Casey and I once saw a dude at Cafe Bohemia with an awesome jail-style tattoo of his fraternity letters on his arm. The awesome was only increased by the fact that homeslice was rocking a sleeveless tee and owning that shit. We decided that this called for a whole new subclass of bad tattoo: the Frattoo. You are free to use that whenever you want.

If you happen to be that guy, or have similar knowledge of things fraternal, like secret handshakes, and/or fond memories involving vomit, misogyny, or intricate subcultures developed around the principle of using “party” as a verb, then you could probably stop reading now. However, if you like really good tattoos done by swell dudes, then you should head down to the newly-opened Classic Tattoos in P-Park.

I mentioned in the comments to an earlier post that I liked the work that Keller was doing, and one of our fine readers informed me that he and another dude, Ryan, from their old shop were opening a place around here. The old place was in New Port Richey, so yeah, I’d like to personally thank both of them for making this move so that getting tattooed will be more convenient for me. I had no idea I meant that much to you.

The additional word is that the new place is set up to be both a tattoo shop and a gallery, which can only mean one thing: there’s gonna be an ink-slinging art rumble between Classic Tattoos and Casey’s beloved Blackout Creations any day now. Two local gallery/tattoo spaces = a high level of local Win.

Details:
Classic Tattoos
4466 Park Blvd.
Pinellas Park, FL 33781
727.545.2565

Keller’s myspace.
Ryan’s myspace.

Now go give them your money. Even you, frattoo guy. Cover ups are the new plaid.

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Speaking of The Loafies, while I was, of course, stoked that we won against all odds – the Phil Collins kind – I was a little confused by the state of the readers’ choice awards, especially the Best Book Store recipient.Seriously, which one of you assclowns voted for Barnes & Noble for best book store? It’s like the food court of books, people. Damn. This is complicated. I mean, I suppose this means that no one actually reads, in which case reading and comprehending the admonition on the Loafies submission page to avoid voting for large chains might have been a little difficult. I suppose it’s also possible that the hive mind at B & N gamed the system by hiring a bunch of Chinese World of Warcraft gold farmers to assault the Loafies site with votes. Actually, gold farming isn’t bad work if you can get it. Anybody want a level 67 Paladin? Comes complete with +200 assless chaps of smiting and a +300 velvet robe of lounging.

In any event, I expected more. Please allow me to introduce you to a little place called Haslam’s Book Store. Perhaps you’ve heard of it, I mean, it’s only been there for about seventy-four years. Lots of books. New and used, plenty of stuff you’re being force fed by Oprah, but also plenty more stuff that you’ve probably never heard of, and is therefore better for you. There’s an excellent Florida section, and a bizarrely comprehensive section of books about collectible Japanese toys, which I really just refer to as porn. Robot eye candy, if you will. Did I mention the selection of about every used classic you can think of? Yeah, so John Grisham wrote a new book about playing football in Italy. Kafka, Woolf and Frederick Douglass are not impressed.

“But but, the selection pales compared to B & N,” you might say. Well then have them freaking order whatever you want. They don’t charge shipping, and you get your books all oldskool wrapped in brown paper, just like that book cover you finally figured out how to make by the 11th grade. “But but, Barnes & Noble is cheaper,” you might say. Is it really? In the long term? There are larger, systemic reasons for supporting local business that have a greater impact on your wallet in the long run. You can read about some of them here (go Washington state).

As if that weren’t enough, you will notice on their website, which happens to be the oldest living example of local 90’s web design, that there is a goddamn Doom WAD file available for download. Words can barely express the level of retro badassery this represents. You too can haul your BFG 9000 around the store and blow shit up. While you’re in there, please destroy the weird Atkins diet section, now that shit I can’t get behind.

While we’re on the topic of books, if you’re looking for used, or maybe for some crazy illuminated manuscript, you could always hit up Wilson’s Book World, although their selection tends to be more of the “this is where old people’s books go when they die” variety. Then again, I recently picked up a mint copy of Research 12: Modern Primitives there, which kind of makes me wonder which kinky ass old person died and left that behind?

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I’m pretty sure that in whatever complicated matrix the people who decide shit use to determine what makes a city is a stipulation demanding the presence of at least one decent Indian buffet within fifteen miles of the city center. I think there’s something in there about a skyrocketing homicide rate, too, but hey, don’t worry; just when you think St. Pete is getting too cosmopolitan for your hoodbilly ass, there’s always a couple of dudes ready to stab a pig, sexually assault a terrier, or buy an Insane Clown Posse record to help keep things barefoot.

Back to the matter at hand, however. We totally pass the Indian buffet cred test. There’s one a mere 6.3 miles from the city center. Well, ok, there’s a Ramada Inn 6.3 miles from the city center, but as anyone who isn’t an HR software salesman from Des Moines knows, the hotel itself is just a life support system for Ajanta Indian Restaurant. Here’s the thing; I can’t tell you whether or not the food at Ajanta’s buffet is like, super high quality Indian food. All I know is that I’ve been to a lot of Indian buffets in my life, and this one does all the things it’s supposed to do, and that is perfectly fine with me.

There are always people who write user submitted reviews of Indian places who say things like, “I’m Indian, and this is good Indian food.” Have you seen India? It’s a big place with a huge amount of regional diversity when it comes to food. A comment like that is kind of like me saying, “I’m American and this Brooklyn style pizza at this Perkins Restaurant is totally legit.” What you’re getting at most Indian places is probably going to be a region-agnostic, dumbed down version of stuff. Palatable, but still “exotic” enough to allow your average Yanni-loving housewife to feel she’s had an essential experience with another culture by, you know, communing with the spirit of India through a perfectly unremarkable samosa.

The other thing that people tend to talk about when talking about Ajanta is the service. The reviewer mentioned above goes out of his or her way to describe the service as stellar. Um, no it’s not; it’s horrible, like, epically laughably horrible. Here’s a tip to anyone thinking of heading over there for a regular old non-buffet kind of meal. Bring a board game. Scrabble should be fine on light days. If it’s busy, bust out the Risk board, and you should probably pack a lunch. Actually, the service is so horrible it’s not even horrible. It seems to somehow stand completely outside domestic expectations of how things are supposed to go down at a restaurant. If you can laugh about that a little, and know that in advance, a night at Ajanta can be pretty fun. Nothing’s funnier than huffy, self-important diners. But yeah, the other tip would be that if you really want something over there, you need to flag someone down and get after it. You’re gonna have to earn that masala, son.

Now, in the interest of not letting the pig stabbers win, somebody find me a decent Ethiopan place.

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Man, I’m totally repeating myself lately. Brandon Dunlap got a nice little write up in the Tampa Tribune a few days ago, which you should perhaps go read. I think it is pretty clear that I think he’s probably one of the best things going for art in the area, and the most shocking bit is that he is actually a nice dude. Imagine that! Point deduction for living in Tampa though, weak.

Check out his art | Consume some shit

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Holy crap. Did you know that your very own St. Petersburg Public Library has a program whereby you can exchange a symbol of your commitment to reading something besides your collection of bench warrants for tasty waffles? It’s all true. Just show your library card at Chez Waffle and you’ll get a 10% discount on whatever waffle or waffle-adjacent item you choose. Personally, I like to spend my waffle money locally at the Egg Platter or Kristina’s Cafe, but you know, sometimes you find yourself in the midst of a waffle emergency and can’t be picky. Download your own copy of this gorgeous promotional PDF from the library system website.

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Warning. If you are a loyal reader and enjoy us talking shit about people, you may wish to skip this post.

Spark is a branding/design/creative outfit in Tampa that appears to be doing some really fine work. Who knew? A quick look around their site reveals something that I happen to dig about smaller design firms - a bunch of clients I have never heard of. What’s cool is that while I haven’t heard of the brands, the work looks incredible - a lot of times you’ll quickly look at the client list and just the fact their clients aren’t big names tells you the work is going to suck. Not only does it not suck, they’ve won national ADDYs (which is highly unusual for this region).

They are throwing a party tomorrow night that you should totally crash. I’m pretty sure it is an invite only affair, but I’m sure they’d love to have you. If I’m not mistaken I think this is partially in response to the Forbes beatdown of Tampa as a viable place for Young Professionals (which between you and me, I think Forbes actually has it right).

We aren’t in the business of selling out (vote for us at Creative Loafing!) or promoting companies, but if you’re looking for design work you might want to contact these guys before anyone on the list below. The only way to improve the outlook of the bay area is by supporting people that are actually doing good work.

Now, just in case you got all concerned that we were saying something nice about local design, here is a chaser of total shit local designers that we hate:

• R-Design | Oh look, how cute, tiny cartoon people. Whenever making important business decisions I always like to consult tiny cartoon people. Their blog looks 2,000 times better than their main site, know why? They edited a template as opposed to designing from scratch. Ouch.
• DANG Designs & Advertising | Wow, um, seriously? I can’t get past the name, but if I could I bet your portfolio sucks.
• Papa’s Pages | Yeah, other than tiny cartoon people I’m all about trusting a dude that refers to himself as Papa. Looks like another template modifier, tsk tsk Papa.
• Pro Developer | Aka “we stole the Macromedia Shockwave logo.” These are those dudes that are like “no, seriously, your site should be entirely Flash, people eat that shit up even if it is totally unnecessary and actually makes the site less usable.”
• NoBS Technology | How long do you think it took to come up with that brilliant name? I bet the dude was bummed that DANG was already taken. Also, they operate their “website division” under the name West Coast Websites where they “provide our clients with a high quality product designed exactly to their specifications.” Yeah, uh, I’m calling BS.
• Coolfish Design | Jesus. They have a sportswear line with the dumbass logo… why are people like this allowed to make money?

OK, that’s all the punishment for now. The short of it this: compare all of the above list to Spark and you’ll see what we’re talking about here. Now let’s all pray for Spark, it seems that every time a really talented bunch of folks crop up in the bay area they wind up leaving.

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The crazy garage-cum-beer aisle at the BP on 22nd Ave N and 4th S. Seriously kick ass. It appears as though at some point in their history on that corner they realized they were making way more money selling beer than renting all 3 garages to Old Northeast Garage. Easy solution: turn one of the garages into an awesome cold beer & beverage dispensing location. When they first converted it they were attempting to chill the entire garage, leaving beer sitting in the middle and getting cooled by the vast frigidness. It didn’t take long to realize that shit wasn’t going to work and now it remains a place to get a poor selection of beer, but have way more fun than usual purchasing it from an old garage.

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Lunches at Munch’s on 39th Ave S and 6th St S. Seriously kick-ass. Munch’s has been holding court on the south side for somewhere in the neighborhood of 55 years now, starting out as a sundries joint where it functioned as a store, Laundromat, post office and restaurant, all in one. Now it functions as a totally kick-ass diner (yes, I love me some diners) where you can spend a little money for a lot of good food.

Today I had the Ruthiemelt, basically a patty melt with Munchy flair and some of their delicious homemade chips - cut, cooked and fried right in the restaurant. It was a toss up between that and the British Burger, which sits atop an english muffin between slices of swiss, bacon and mushrooms.

Do yourself a favor and take a trip south of your normal hangouts and check out why they’ve survived this long. Good food, awesome characters cooking and serving it and a little slice of St. Pete history.

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I’ve previously mentioned my love affair with diners, and there is certainly no shortage in the area. This morning I dropped by St. Pete Diner Family Restaurant on 11th Ave. N and 34th Street. This is the place that I usually stop at after a morning workout at the YMCA of Greater St. Petersburg. No need to point out that going to a greasy diner for eggs and bacon following a workout completely negates the workout, I’m well aware and fuck you for raining on my parade.

The specials here aren’t quite as mind-bogglingly affordable as Skyway Jack’s, but $3.65 for a plate of deliciousity and some amazing potatoes are definitely worth it. Oh, don’t forget the down home hospitality and the back page of the menu that declares proudly: GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALL HER CHILDREN.

How can you deny that? I mean, bacon and a smattering of American icons on the menu? That is America.

Way positive sidenote here, they accept credit/debit cards. They are totally bucking the Diner theme of cash only and crashing headlong into the future. Go St. Pete Diner!

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Dave’s Restaurant on MLK and 24th Ave N. Seriously kick ass. If you haven’t had breakfast here before you should shoot yourself in the face. Well, that might be a little harsh, but you should definitely punish yourself and then immediately go get an omelette.

Last night I decided to try their dinner fare and it was just like going home again. You see, I used to eat exclusively at these little family owned diner places, there’s just something about the food in them that is so comfortable and inviting. Half the time the food really isn’t that good, but I’ll eat that kind of stuff over anything else. No fancy ass Bella Brava for me!

Last night I enjoyed 2 pork chops with some killer mashed potatoes, green beens (definitely straight out of the can) and some sort of delightful bread roll product. Everything was dandy, but what made the whole experience so goddamn delicious was the tapioca pudding with whipped cream for dessert. This is like the one fact that tells you whether you’re in a proper diner or not, if their dessert menu consists of chocolate or tapioca pudding and nothing else, you’ve come to the right place.

Keep in mind they are a cash only establishment, so be sure to hit the ATM first.

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The St. Petersburg Clay Company. Seriously kick ass. I always love going there, whether for the art shows, some shopping, or even just to admire the Seaboard Railway Station it is located in. This is a damn fine establishment to have in a city of art and culture.

Last night we were there for the opening of a friend’s show, Liz Bryant’s Fragments of Memory. Liz makes these incredible female figures, from 2 feet tall to full size, and mixes in other media in cracks she forms in their skin. Her work is astonishing, I’d love to own a piece but because of the huge time investment she puts in (and gallery commission), they are out of my price range. I’ve been talking to her about bartering a website for a piece, which is always a good way to collect art.

Which, by the way, wanna barter our creative services for something cool? Contact us.

We really are lucky to have several kick ass art establishments around town. If you aren’t visiting the Arts Center, Florida Craftsmen, St. Pete Clay or the big boys like the Dali and Museum of Fine Art you are seriously missing out on something you wouldn’t find in another city of this size (or several larger ones, I’m looking at you Tampa).

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Shep’s Deli. Seriously kick ass. If you are looking to lighten your wallet substantially in exchange for a really fine beer, or better yet 6 or more of them, Shep’s is the place. I dropped in last night and picked up a variety of beers from Avery, which as usual with selections from Shep’s, were kick ass.

The funny thing is that they have a deli - in fact, they are called a deli. And the one thing I’ve never gotten from Shep’s? Anything from the deli. If you’ve eaten there, leave a comment and let me know how it is.

Next time you drop by Shep’s (located at 2001 4th Street N, pretty much the corner of 22nd Ave and 4th St), take a good look at the counter where you pay. Years and years of patronage have worn deep into the woodgrain formica counter top. Ah, the stories that formica could tell.

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