I’m re-posting something we originally ran in January of ‘08 in light of the fact that Foster is looking an awful lot like our next mayor. Let us not forget what this dude believes in, k?

Here we are, still debating whether or not Darwin’s theory of evolution is a fundamental concept of biology — which likewise means we’re still debating what exactly to teach our kids about this trivial little topic. I vote for science over voodoo, but I don’t get a vote on the matter. That’s up to our State Board of Education.

Don’t get me wrong, you want to teach your kids that God made modern humans a few thousand years ago? Cool. Homeschool them. That’s your right, so use it. Go crazy!

I don’t have a problem with any of you wackos until you start demanding that “alternative theories” be taught in public schools. Even the phrase “alternative theories” pisses me off. We all know what you mean there… unless you plan on covering the sacred legend of how the Flying Spaghetti Monster rubbed its noodly appendages together and created mankind out of a pair of tasty meatballs.

Hi there Bill Foster! Your ideas are shit and so is your face!

Yes, I thought I’d heard everything on this issue. Leave it to Bill Foster, who just recently left public office as an esteemed member of the St. Petersburg City Council, to open my eyes to a new series of arguments in favor of fairy tails. Bill has a few theories on biology, and as a lawyer, he’s fully qualified to share them in a letter he sent to the Pinellas School Board.

Quoting…

Evolution gives our kids an excuse to believe in natural selection and survival of the fittest, which leads to a belief that they are superior over the weak. This is a slippery slope. One of the Columbine shooters wrote on his website, ‘You know what I love? Natural selection! It’s the best thing that ever happened to the Earth. Getting rid of all the stupid and weak organisms.

Really? That’s what you’re starting with? Columbine? Fuck me.

To be fair, Bill isn’t all wrong. Kids do have an excuse to believe in natural selection, because it’s true. As for the Columbine murderers, I thought it was all Marilyn Manson’s fault. Sorry, I shouldn’t kid about this. Since I’m an evolutionist, I am likely to go on a shooting rampage, if I’m following Bill’s reasoning fully.

His next point? Darwinism is responsible for Hitler. That’s right.

Adolph Hitler duped an entire generation using Darwin’s evolution. He sought to preserve the favored race in the struggle for survival.

Well, now if I argue with the guy I’ll be labeled a fucking fascist. Nice work! You know what, fuck it. I’m not gonna get into Hitler, Jesus. Godwin’s Law is still safe and sound, though.

Eh, there’s three pages of bullshit in this letter to struggle though, but I’ll leave you with this final nugget.

The beautiful thing about this country is that we all have a right to believe in whatever we choose.

Twisting this into a First Amendment issue is disgusting. You can say what you want, and you can worship what you want, and you can protest what you want. But really, we cannot believe in whatever we want.

If I believe I am John F. Kennedy and only look nothing like him because of extreme surgery to hide my true identity, that’s not alright. That means I’m insane. Now, insane people have rights too, but they don’t get their ethos taught in our schools.

Granted, that would make school more fun!

To bring it back around to Bill’s horseshit: It’s not alright to believe that genocide is morally correct. It’s not alright to believe that killing your classmates and then yourself is a smart way to deal with teenage angst. And it’s not alright to expect Genesis to be taught to children in publicly funded schools just because you believe in it.

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Normally with a headline like that I’d be talking some serious shit and laughing at people. However, I happen to be a fan of REAX and have been pleasantly surprised that they’ve lasted as long as they have. But guess what? Putting out a free awesome magazine costs money and money doesn’t grow on trees. So the crew needs your help and dammit, if you’ve read the magazine before, or read this blog and gone to a music or art show that we’ve listed, you should donate to REAX. Even if it is just a few bucks it is called being “part of a community.” Crazy thought, I know, but the way these things work is that we all need to chip in to make sure that things like this remain. Below is a link to their donate page and below that is the e-mail that Editor Scott Harrell sent out.

So really, don’t be a dick, donate.

Click here to donate

Homegrown Music Monthly’s Editor Asks Bands And Fans For Help

Tampa, Fla. - (August 13, 2009) - In journalism classes, they tell you to lead with the most important information, then continue the story by listing the facts in a descending order of priority.

So here’s the long and short of it: REAX Magazine needs your help.

REAX is and always has been a fiercely independent entity, beholden to nothing but the tastes and imaginations of its staff and readership. Unfortunately, these days, “independent print media” has become a euphemism for “pretty much screwed from the get-go.” Budgets and assets were basically nonexistent when the mag started, and they’ve only gotten tighter as the media and publishing industries have gone into a tailspin.

We’ve done more than just get by. We’ve managed to support local music and art in communities all over the state of Florida while simultaneously covering the national scene and exposing homegrown talent to readers all over the country and beyond - the vast majority of our subscribers at issuu.com reside in other countries. We’ve given aspiring writers an opportunity to interview their heroes and hone their craft while adding cover stories and other prominent features to their resumes.

We’ve thrown some most excellent parties.

And we want to keep doing all of those things.

Now, I’m supposed to write a press release that asks for donations without sounding like we’re in trouble. That inspires the scene to rally around REAX without making it seem like we think the scene owes us something. That lets the bands and fans and readers know that we really need their help without scaring advertisers.

Well, you know what? We are in trouble. We do need your help. And if some of our advertisers paid what they owe us, we wouldn’t have to play the “incredibly handsome free magazine asks its readers to give a little back” card.

Rest assured, REAX isn’t going anywhere. We’re still committed to providing local, regional and national music and lifestyle news. But we’re having a really tough time paying the bills right now. So we’re asking every fan, band, artist and writer to help us out a little bit. If you’ve ever gotten something out of REAX, or support the idea of independent media in an increasingly conglomerated industry, throw us a few bucks for toner or printing costs or gas. Donors will automatically be entered into a series of special drawings for swag like clothes, event tickets, gift certificates, maybe even a bar tab or two. We’ll print your name in the mag’s masthead as a thank you, too, if you want. Many of you have asked over the years what you can do to help REAX and how you can get involved. Well, this is your chance. We’ll be eternally grateful.

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What the hell are the people at Busch Gardens thinking? First a dude that scares you by txting ur ass, then a creepy DJ, then a pair of ridiculous supposed-to-be-sexy-but-also-scary Siamese twins and now Mugatu from Zoolander? WTF?

They’ve released a teaser trailer, which I must admit is very well shot and edited, but their mascot this year is some kind of an evil fashion designer?! What are these people smoking?

I’ve always pulled for Busch Gardens, who has a hard time competing with Universal’s Halloween Horror Nights. Busch does a damn fine job with their haunted houses which are usually top notch, but they continue to force these lame mascots on the event which probably sends people driving to Orlando.

Please hire some new folks to pull the theme together, refresh your haunted houses more frequently (Universal replaces every year, you guys are still rocking mazes from 4 years ago) and put yourselves on the map as a real competitor to HHN. You do get points for Twitter usage, though, so I’ll give you that.

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Amy spotted this awesomeness on the corner of 18 Ave S and 25 St.

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As we’ve talked about before, Creative Loafing up and shitcanned several of their staff not too terribly long ago. And if we’ve learned anything in this world, it is that VH1’s template of fondly remembering shit people didn’t so much care for the first time is pure gold. And while this kind of glorified reminiscing used to be reserved for things from many years ago, their recent model of “I Love the Yesterday” has taught us that it is never too early to check in on our favorite heroes and villains.

Alex Pickett will report for food and has started his own blog (good luck with that, bro, we know blogs and they suck assholes). He’s only a few days in, but we expect good things, especially when yesterday’s story was a hard hitting exposé on confederate license plates. God bless Florida. Also, a suggestion for all you readers out there who have managed not to lose your jobs in this rad economy: buy Alex a sandwich and demand a story out of it. I mean, come on, he’s advertising “will report for food,” so hit the deli and take advantage of this once in a lifetime chance to have a story of your choosing written by a pro journalist. Have fun, Alex!

Wade Tatangelo is keeping busy, which I must admit surprises me. But hey, good for him, and I mean that - this is a shitty time to be out of work and he seems to be finding work writing. Wade’s blog appears to mostly collect links to stories he’s written for a variety of publications out there. We missed it when it ran, but he’s even doing some big work for pubs like Maxim.

Anyone know what Anthony Salveggi is up to?

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On February 2nd, 1892, citizens in St. Petersburg voted 15-11 to seek incorporation. So, like, yeah, awesome. It wouldn’t be until February 29 that the actual incorporation would be approved, but today is the day that started it all. Or something.

Yes, misspelling incorporation was intentional, so suck it.

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The City of St. Petersburg is an asshole. They just sent me this:

Tonight, the city will flip the switch on hundreds of tiny LED lights that adorn 29 trees in Williams Park. The tree lighting is another initiative launched by a consortium of interested organizations working to improve the vitality of the city’s urban square, Williams Park.

Am I the only one that thinks money could be better spent on helping the current inhabitants of Williams Park instead of buying a bunch of goddamn lights to somehow make it prettier for those of us lucky enough to have a place to sleep? That just doesn’t feel right.

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Who in the hell designs that terrible Dalí billboard on 275? That thing actually makes me angry, it is consistently complete shit. I mean, come on, we have a damn Dalí Museum, we should be proud. Being proud means getting a real designer to do something awesome with the source material, not put a goddamn football on the L in Dalí and think it is clever. And on a solid yellow background?! That’s the best you can do? Didn’t Dalí actually paint some INTERESTING SHIT YOU COULD USE ON THE BILLBOARD? Good Lord.

Dear Dalí Museum, here’s one I’ve designed for free, if you’d like the high resolution file to use for the next billboard just let me know.

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No worries kiddies, I was taking an interweb vacation but I’m back. Looks like the Nude Nite Art Show deadline is rapidly approaching and I figured some of you out there might want to sign up to hang your danglies in Tampa in the name of art. Actually, I don’t want to think about your danglies, but this sounded interesting so I figured I’d pass it along.

First, here’s the sales pitch:

Since 1997, Nude Nite is a juried art exhibition with hundreds of artists celebrating the body beautiful by creating a bazaar-like atmosphere of artistic talents not only in photographs and paintings, but also in live body painting, sensual performances, shapely sculpture and experimental installations. The abundance of imagery makes Nude Nite a “must-see event.”

I’m a little frightened by the concept of sensual performances, but I sure hope it involves the Senator in his nighty.

If this sounds like something you’d like to be involved with, the submission deadline is February 4 and you can download the application here. Oh, and it goes without saying that the site is potentially NSFW, so be careful little ones! The event itself is February 26-28 in Ybor and will run you $20.

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On account of the fact that I had the interweb time machine fired up yesterday for the McRory’s post I thought it might be good to talk about the Comfort Station, also known as the most awesome public restroom in St. Petersburg.

The Romanesque dookie house was built in 1927 and shares a particularly similar design to St. Mary’s Church, which you can see on the right courtesy of Flickr user HexBlock (who also provided the image above). Both buildings were designed by Henry Taylor, who also designed the Vinoy and Admiral Farragut Academy.

Rumor has it that Taylor did not feel that he was paid appropriately for his work on St. Mary’s and in retaliation designed the public restroom to be a miniature version of the church. His wife later said that wasn’t the case, but you’ve got to admit they look pretty damn similar. I like to think Taylor was making a statement, his very own 1920’s version of a Piss Christ.

Even though it seems you could easily disprove the rumor by looking at the dates, the rumor persists. We know for sure that the Comfort Station was built in 1927 while St. Mary’s was built in 1929. This would seem to indicate that the Little St. Mary’s rumor isn’t true. However, according to the history of St. Mary’s, Taylor started work for the church in 1924 with a rectory a few blocks away. It is possible that the design was completed years before the church was built, which is enough for me to enjoy the thought of some dude making a tiny poop version of the great church.

Fun Fact: the church was built for a measly $129,000. I’ll take two, please!

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I was strolling along on Flickr and came across a cool old postcard looking east along Central between 4th and 5th Street. Downtown was just a completely different beast back in the days, check out all the activity, people and stores - hell, there’s even a hotel down there. I’ve always loved the McCrory’s sign from the building’s heyday as a thriving five and dime, so I figured dusting off the old interweb time machine might be fun.

For bearings you’re looking at the Snell building (aka the Rutland building) peeking over the top of the vertical McCrory’s sign there, which is easier to make out in the full size image. That sign is of course still there and what’s even awesomer is that the neon of the Hotel Alden sign remains as well (although the black paint behind it has since vanished). Below is another view looking the other direction where you can see more of the Snell building on the right.

Another thing you can see in this photo is the Kress building next door, which you may recognize since the ghost of the Kress logo still appears on the backside of the building. The Kress building itself was actually listed on the National Registrar of Historic Places in 2001, which I wish had happened to more of Central.

And last but not least, one more awesome postcard of the same block, this time with the Rutland Department Store sign which sheds some light on where the building got its name. These days it is more often referred to as the Snell building on account of developer C. Perry Snell (yep, Snell Isle) who built it in 1926. Fun fact: not only is the building itself on the National Registrar of Historic Places, the cupola is a National Geodetic Survey benchmark. For you non-geocaching nerds that would be “a point whose position is known to a high degree of accuracy and is normally marked in some way… used by land surveyors, builders and engineers, map makers, and other professionals” and more recently by nerds with GPS.

I think my favorite part of this last one is the Fountain Lunch sign. Can you imagine rolling to Walgreens or CVS to get lunch? Man, it was so much cooler back then.

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I felt pressured to write some kind of a Top 10, or a look back at 2008 or some kind of bullshit low hanging fruit post like every other blog out in the interether but I’m too damn lazy. Fortunately the AP had enough good sense to realize what a goddamn goldmine Florida is for weird news stories and produced this look at the year in news.

Assuming you’re half as lazy as I am you probably won’t read the thing, so here are a few of my favorites:

Dude steals hearse in the middle of funeral
This is a dude after my own heart, some day I will own a hearse. Unfortunately, his method of obtaining one resulted in a bullet in the leg and a new roommate that is quite fond of his mangina.

Florida: tough on farts
Apparently farting in class in Stuart, FL will get your ass arrested. Funny thing is you’d think the cops would have their hands full with all the criminals they can’t seem to find.

Brilliant getaway thwarted by superhuman cops
Police in Merritt Island were somehow able to catch up with a dude who robbed a bank and attempted to get away… in his electric wheelchair.

Heroic husband saves fox by shooting wife
Hey honey, there’s a fox out front, let’s go check it out. No problem, honey, but be sure to shoot it if the thing bites me!

Not one, but two dudes go to jail for battering their old ladies with sandwiches
No, seriously.

94 year old picks up hooker and gets off
Well, gets off when the judge rules entrapment.

Honorary mention:

I wanted to do hoodrat stuff for my friend
Hopefully you remember my tiny hero.

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I’ve always been rather curious about the Skyline Building on 9th St around 26th Ave N and I realized something pretty special - aside from porn the internet might be good for learning a little more about it. A warning to you parents: this post is largely sarcasm free, so you may wish to send the children out of the room.

The internet agrees with itself on the following facts:

1. The building is 6 stories tall
2. The design was highly influenced by Frank Lloyd Wright’s Guggenheim in NY
3. The building has always been controversial both because of the design and because of the height for a building that far north
4. There used to be a restaurant at the top of the building
5. When it opened it was the Security Federal Savings and Loan building

Where the internet starts to argue with itself has to do with when it was built - the city says it was built in the 50s while other sources say 1961. The city is plain wrong, though, as the Guggenheim wasn’t completed until 1959. Late 1961 seems like more of a possibility and this picture is dated 1962 which seems to back that up.

Aside from these awfully boring facts and the fact that the building sold for $3.15M in 2005 (a steal for 31,000 sq ft), the internet doesn’t have a whole lot else to say. In fact, I still don’t even know why it is called the Skyline Building. Hell, I was able to find out way more about the bank itself (founded in 1955 by Andrew Oliver McEachern who went on to found Living Faith Church of Florida). Much like so many church folk, though, he had a sordid past:

On August 29, 1975, a year after leaving office, Oliver McEachern was arrested for accepting $1,000 or more for each of five votes favoring the rezoning of land and for lying to the officers who investigated the charges. He accepted a no contest plea, leaving in question his actual guilt. On January 13, 1976, he was sentenced to one year and one day in state prison. He served seven months in Avon Park Correctional Center. While in prison, McEachern became convinced that he could relieve his guilt only by telling others of the forgiveness offered by God. Upon release he formed a ministry to prisoners, visiting prisons in the United States and Canada.

What a silly guy! Anyway, maybe one of you slackers out there in interweb land can do some research about the building itself and post a comment. In the meantime, check out some dope photos from the Florida State Archives below.

Note that the typeface of the Security at the top of the building has changed in this photo. Design decision? Someone realized that those skinny deco letters that were originally there were hard as shit to read?

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I spotted this out front of Florida Craftsmen. Are there more like it? In true Florida fashion there is a url on it but of course it is an expired domain name… sigh.

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You may have heard that ye olde BayWalk is in some poopoo on account of the owner deciding for some reason he didn’t want to pay his mortgage. I guess owning an entertainment and shopping complex doesn’t require much common sense, ’cause I thought it was pretty basic knowledge that no payment + time = foreclosure. No?

The most recent news is a proposal by owner Fred Bullard, Jr. to simply bail. Hi bank, here’s the deed, have fun, kthxbye. It looks like he stands to lose maybe $1M in equity, but he’s confident the bank won’t seek any additional money from him… uh, wait, what? You default on your loan, then bail and you think they’ll be cool with that? Well, good luck with the retail owners and Muvico who are threatening to sue you, dude.

Here’s the good news, YOU CAN LEASE BAYWALK! Fred’s son, Fred Bullard, III, is currently offering BayWalk for a mere $20-25/sf/yr for the available spaces. Take a look for yourself.

Personally I hate BayWalk, but that isn’t saying much since I hate just about everything. Here’s the reality, though - BayWalk did play a part in the “renaissance” of downtown. Some day I will remove that word from quotes when we can actually get this shit right, but for the sake of argument we’ll say that BayWalk indeed brought people to downtown who hadn’t been there in ages and kept bringing them back thanks to the theater. Unfortunately, this is Florida, and despite a recipe for success the ‘Walk is failing.

There are lots of fail theories, but one common one (especially among store owners) is “unruly crowds of teenagers” and “the city for not doing more to control them.” That’d be a quote from Bruce Rabon, the owner of Hurricane Pass (who, incidentally, has a REALLY AWESOME INTERSITE). And really, downtown does have a lot of those damn dirty St. Pete kids… what is the deal with that? I can’t imagine that’s enough to make the whole thing fail though.

The future of the ‘Walk is pretty much up in the air, but I’m hoping someone else comes in and buys it - whether I like it or not it has a place and purpose here. The danger right now is that the owner of the Muvico is considering closing, which would kill that whole place immediately. If that does happen we’ll get another beautiful St. Pete Fail like that gorgeous 600 block of Central. Sigh.

Fun Fact: According to the Feather Sound Church Bulletin, December 19 was both Fred’s birthday and his Anniversary. Happy Birthday and Anniversary Fred!

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