Author Archive
I totally forgot I had this. A company who has since got out of business used a very similar image to promote a very bad idea that very much lost them a very much amount of money and stuff. The good news, though, is that now you can own a very awesome poster for a very reasonable amount of money. Yes, it is Cafepress, but trust me when I say that the quality is le awesome and you’ll get years of enjoyment out of this bad boy. So seriously, buy yourself one.
You know, they just re-aired an awesome Metalocalypse episode this weekend and it got me thinking. Given the recent crime and craptasticness in our fair city, this episode seemed particularly poignant. I think we could use a bit of Nathan Explosion’s guidance right about now. If you have no clue what I’m talking about, first bow before the new flag of Florida below, then hit play on the second half of that episode. Lazy Tuesday, people, get on it. Also, keep your eyes peeled for the next hurricane on the horizon: Scrambles, the Deathdealer.
It has been awhile since we laughed heartlessly at someone’s death, what with all the bad vibes around our fair city. Fortunately, though, an opportunity has arisen to forget our own troubles and relish in another’s.
Looks like one of the outspoken advocates for that giant ass “heritage, not hate, but kind of hate because we hate black people, but that’s part of our heritage, so it isn’t really hate” confederate flag has opted to cash in his chips early. This particular champion and gun owner turned gun suicider had a bit of an identity crisis having been born in Jersey (totally not the south, dude) but adopting the ways of the southern asstards after moving here to America’s punchline.
“He didn’t have the actual genealogical linkage,” said Siegel’s friend and fellow Confederate activist Marion Lambert. “But he had the heart and soul of a Confederate.”
Well Marion, let’s hope that soul helps him out when he stands before your God and has to explain his douchery here on earth.
I have been thinking a lot lately and more than usual my thoughts keep coming around to “what the fuck is wrong with this place?” And no, I’m not setting up some funny story here, I’m being serious. What the fuck is wrong with this place?
I don’t even know how to address this story correctly. Rape and robbery at a new restaurant on Central? How the fuck does that even happen? Why does that happen? What is wrong with humans that live in Florida?
This is such a messed up story and I definitely don’t want to make light of it. But seriously, this is yet another example why we can’t have nice things here. Someone opens Table, which becomes instantly popular and seems like a good sign of the health of Central… and then look what happens.
Please, Florida, show me some redeeming qualities in the very near future or I’m out.
This news sucks for people that really like shit food, shit service and shit. Er, something. Actually it sucks more for the employees, sorry dudes.
When the Rays new stadium push was put on hold there was promise of a coalition designed to… well, it was never clear exactly what they were designed to do. However, it is becoming much clearer with the launch of abc-baseball.com.
The coalition, officially called A Baseball Community, Inc., is looking to load its Board up with pro-new-stadium folks that can help move the project along.
Those opposed to building any new stadium for the Rays aren’t wanted, said coalition chairman and Progress Energy chief executive Jeff Lyash.
I was, naively, under the impression the coalition would be composed of both proponents and opponents to a new stadium that would come together and figure out what is best for the Rays, the city and us. Yes, I know, stupid me. Anywho, a couple of interesting things to note here:
- Holy shit, that site is actually well designed. Must have been done by someone out of state. If anyone knows who designed it, leave a comment.
- The domain name is owned by Nancy E. Loehr, aka the Progress Energy Community Relations Manager. Yeah, PR flak. Oddly enough she used her Hotmail account, send Nancy some love!
- It isn’t news that the coalition is headed up by Progress Energy CEO Jeff Lyash, but it is beginning to look like his involvement isn’t as an individual, but as a rep of Progress Energy.
- Al Lang = Progress Energy Park, yes? No clue what the details of that are, but it would seem it would be in Progress Energy’s best interests to build that new park.
- The site does not have any official Rays affiliation, instead trying to come off as some sort of independent “grassroots” campaign. Um. Right. Check out the footer of majorleaguedowntown.com - Paid electioneering communication paid for by Tampa Bay Rays Baseball Ltd. They had to do that legally since it was becoming a ballot issue, now that it isn’t they can go back to pulling strings from behind a fake grassroots site.
- They’ll be taking donations. Yeah, that’s right, donations. A site that appears to be a corporate tool (hi Progress Energy!) will be taking your money to, well, to offset the cost of them getting their way.
And come the fuck on Jeff Lyash, saying shit like this isn’t fooling anyone:
This is a better process because it’s led by the community, and it has broader representation
You’ve indicated that you are looking only for people who are committed to a new stadium. What exactly do you mean by broader representation? Not buying it.
The most important thing you need to take from this, though, is this: the site is well designed. We here at the Splog really don’t give a shit about shit UNLESS it is well designed. Then we’re behind whatever it is you’re selling. We’ll take two.
Well, more precisely: what 100,000 people look like from the rooftop Mariott pool while you are drinking free alcohol amongst the beautiful people at the Red Bull VIP party. Yeah, that’s right, that’s how we roll.
This post isn’t actually about how awesome my life is, though. No, this post is a congratulations to the bay area. I was shocked to hear that Red Bull was planning a Flugtag event here and I was so very scared that we’d fuck it up like we fuck up so many things. But you know what? People showed up! That’s right, the bay area represented and Tampa actually looked like a real city with tons of people flooding the water, walkways and rooftops of downtown. This is a proud day my friends. Top it off with a local team (Tampa Baywatch) taking the victory and I say that’s a day full of WIN.
The Times is currently reporting 35,000 people there, but 100,000 sounds more impressive and from where I was standing with my arms around gorgeous Red Bull girls I’ll tell you this much: it was a fuckload of people.
You may have noticed that Friday’s tend to be our lazy ass day, often featuring lazy ass YouTube links. Today is no different except that the level of awesome displayed in the videos of the James/Miller Family Reunions held in St. Petersburg is off the charts. As far as I can figure, the James/Miller Family is a talented bunch of people that seem to work a talent show into their clearly fun-filled reunions over the years. The gem below is from the 1994 reunion (boy was that a crazy one). Keep an eye on their channel, it looks like someone is digitizing a bunch of old tapes and I guarantee there is more WIN to be had.
Let me start out by saying that State Media fucking sucks at promoting shows. Seriously, what the hell? I’m just now finding out about Slick Rick playing the State tomorrow and the shit isn’t even listed on their site? People, come on, try a little harder.
Fortunately, though, the great news that Rick the Ruler will be in the ‘burg almost makes me forget the suckitude. That’s right, Slick Motherfucking Rick, aka Ricky D, aka Rick the Ruler. Tickets are $20 ahead of time (although your guess is as good as mine where you buy them) and $25 at the door.
Splog Slick Rick Fun Facts:
- The eye patch is actually functional! He’s blind in that shit.
- He was recently pardoned of attempted murder charges that have been haunting him since 1990.
- Attempting to deport his ass (related to the 1990 charges), INS officials snagged him in the middle of a live performance on a Florida cruise ship.
There’s been lots of talk about this and we here at the Splog think it is our duty to keep you abreast of the latest. We scour countless news sources for the stories that affect your life, sources like ElectricNet. ElectricNet broke the news yesterday (and by “broke the news” I mean they posted a press release from Progress Energy) that Levy County is looking very much like the new home of 2 nuclear power plants.
Granted this news doesn’t guarantee they’ll be built, that will be left up to Progress Energy, however it definitely paves the way. You may be thinking “where the hell is Levy County?!” to which I would respond “what are you, a complete idiot?!” Levy County is of course home to major cities like Bronson, Yankeetown, Otter Creek and Lebanon Junction. Seriously, what a dumb question for you to ask.
The heart of Levy is roughly 130 miles north of us, not terribly far away. There were cases of cancer related to the Chernobyl disaster reported as far as 310 miles away. Doh! But hey, what could go wrong, this is Florida we’re talking about!
Wow. Let’s just start with that. Wow. Let’s also start with two important facts. First, I have no problem with gay people. Second, I am not a fan of people dying in motorcycle accidents. Got it? Great, now on to the wow.
It looks like the FHP is taking steps to attempt to address the uptick in motorcycle fatalities that some are blaming on an increase in bikers due to higher gas prices. This is good news, that’s precisely what the FHP should do. Certainly there are some obvious things that I can think of that they might try (helmet law, anyone?!), but this here is Florida and in Florida doing the obvious thing is crazy talk. Instead the FHP has announced their new safety campaign called “Ride Proud. Dress Loud.” No, no, stop laughing, I’m serious.
It looks like someone thought the most logical way to address the problem is to convince bikers, who traditionally wear nothing but black, that wearing 80s neon chaps will be their salvation. Seriously, quit laughing, this is for real. Now certainly “Ride Proud. Dress Loud.” is a tad easier than the original name (”Motorcycle Conspicuity” - for serious), but dudes… you are doing it wrong.
They started off with a list of helpful tips which include such gems as:
While inconspicuous black clothing may be in fashion, it offers little visibility on roadways.
Right, let me throw out my collection of all black gear immediately, good idea. Or perhaps you could just replace your bike!
Motorcyclists can purchase a brightly-colored bike from the factory for higher visibility.
If this stuff doesn’t seem out of touch, check out the ads to the right. No, I didn’t Photoshop these, they actually contain incredibly homoerotic taglines like “Great Balls of Fire” and “Green Eyed Monster.” WTF!? Do they have any clue who their audience is? I mean “Good Morning Sunshine” is your best effort to reach bikers?! Let me know how that works out for you.
This is even lazier than the original lazy post. I posted yesterday about Times staff writer Chuin-Wei Yap using the term “pulls out” in a story about Caliente Resorts. Looks like between posting it to the Breaking News blog and turning it into a legit story Chuin-Wei pussied out.
Breaking News blog intro:
Caliente Resort pulled out of the American Association for Nude Recreation…
New intro:
Caliente Resort pulled its affiliation late Friday with the American Association for Nude Recreation…
I want my high five back, Chuin-Wei Yap.
Man, this is the ultimate lazy post. I already covered the suspension of Caliente Resorts from the American Association for Nude Recreation, and now the relationship has been severed. That isn’t the funny, though, the funny is the breaking news blog’s choice of words:
Caliente Resort pulled out of the American Association for Nude Recreation, following an investigation into sexually charged monthly parties at the club organized by a swingers group with Caliente’s blessing, the association said Monday.
ZOMFGLOLROFLCOPTER. High five to Times staff writer Chuin-Wei Yap.
got a tip?
love
buy shit
subscribe
recent comments
- Lyndon: Luckily, they caught these scumbags.
- chaoward: As of my last update (from yesterday afternoon, but whatever) TROPIC STORM...
- Justin E: Or as these guys would say, “Faillicane.”
- judester: This shit was a hurricant.
- Justin E: They should call the next hurricane that starts with the letter N...