And the first order of business is hiring Alex Pickett back. And then firing him again. Right before Christmas.

The final chapter is closing in on the 10-month soap opera that is the Creative Loafing bankruptcy case. Today, Tampa bankruptcy court Judge Caryl E. Delano tentatively approved the bidding procedures of the upcoming new equity auction on August 25. Based on the winner of that auction, Creative Loafing will emerge from bankruptcy with or without new owners.

I’m pretty sure we’ll buy it, just a matter of checking on some Swiss bank accounts and calling in that IOU from Steve Jobs. I swear, that guy, you’d think he’d be better at managing his money.

Read all about it on Alex’s blog.

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Hey there boys and girls, it’s time for ART! That’s right, we here at the Splog are men enough to admit that we like the art, and if you’ve got something to say about it we’ll put down our tea, take off our white gloves, remove our topcoat and beat you silly.

The Outlook Art Show, which fires up at 6 pm tomorrow night at Cafe Hey in Tampa, says the following about itself:

Art is a result of how individual opinions transpire visually and tangibly. The result may be directed by predictability, or driven by curiousity. Whatever the case, the end product is a recording of one’s perspective… Art is an ongoing conversation, the product is a documentation of an outlook, whether extremely obvious, or entirely vague.

Hmm, that actually sounds really wanky. Pretend you didn’t hear that and instead focus on the fact that it features artists like Red Labor, Brandon Dunlap and Brandon McClean.

Of particular note is that this is the first time in recent history that I can remember someone in the area creating a site just for a show, bravo kids! It looks like they are also planning to sell pieces on the site as well. It was built by the cats over at Solid Motive, who I actually haven’t heard of but seem to do reasonably decent work. I don’t know what it is about Florida, though, because while their stuff looks pretty damn good on the outside, you dig around a little and find stuff like this where it looks like they either repeated a post for testing or just aren’t paying attention to what is visible on the live site. Come on fellas, details!

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Amy spotted this awesomeness on the corner of 18 Ave S and 25 St.

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In the spirit of openness and transparency, St.Petersblog thinks Scott Wagman is a douche. Check this e-mail from today. L. A. M. E. Is this working on people? If so, we’re fucked.

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It’s time to inject a little POSIVIBE into this downer of an internet, so here are a few things that don’t suck, and if we say they don’t suck that means you need to leave your house this instant and get in on this shit. Seriously.

Chappy’s Lousiana Kitchen Happy Hour
Monday-Friday from 4-7pm
This place is damn good, which means it probably won’t last very long. Don’t let another one get away, get your ass down every day of the week from 4-7pm and enjoy 2 for 1 well drinks, domestic drafts and house wines. Oh, and a buffet of free food. You’ll have to fight through some of the urchins that come for the free food, but it is well worth it.

St. Pete Shuffle
Free on Fridays from 7-11pm
Hit this up, take lots of pictures of yourself and then tell all your hipster friends in other cities about it, they’ll be jealous. Seriously, they do this stuff in the REAL Bay area on the other side of the country. Hipster cred points abound.


Summer Sunset Film Festival
Monday nights at 8:30 pm
Free movies on the roof of Push, Monday nights. This coming week (August 3) check out Hepburn, Bogart and Holden in Sabrina. Indiana Jones is not in this version, so keep that in mind.

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Man, have we been gone long enough that Alex Pickett has resorted to just calling everyone Nazis now? I guess so. Well, he’s reporting for food and I suppose that’s the best way to get readers. NAZI NAZI NAZI! That oughta bump our stats a bit.

That’s actually a really funny story and is a pretty good indication why form letters are not the best idea in the world. The thing that has me scratching my head, though, is why a form letter would say “I am delighted to share this (insert item here) with the people of Florida.” So, like, if I send him a giant dildo will I get a similar form letter?

I am delighted to share this purple-headed love warrior with the people of Florida.

Now that’s something I would frame. Maybe some day Charlie “Goebbels” Crist’s staff will get compruders with internets and goobles so they can avoid such embarrassment.

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A child drug dealer narrowly avoided capture while trying to smuggle drugs via a bag of Skittles at the Tampa Airport yesterday. The clever criminal ate the Skittles while in the car on the way home with gramps and grams and faked lethargy to avoid being busted.

After being rushed to the hospital the 4 year old was all “oh shit, what the fuck is this shit, I thought this shit was Skittles, I’ve never seen drugs in my life, I’m a fucking baby, this is some fucked up shit right here.”

The real story is far less interesting than my version, but feel free to read it here. Seriously, though, this is some really scary shit, I hope the kid found the bag as opposed to someone actually giving it to her. My guess is that some dumbass was trying to get their stash of oxycontin on vacation with them and left that shit just lying around. I’ve got to fault the grandparents a bit here, though, who apparently didn’t notice either the kid obtaining the candy nor eating enough of it in the car to have a reaction.

There’s a lesson here, kids: don’t do drugs. And don’t eat random Skittles you find at the airport.

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There is an absolute shit ton of things to be said about the race for mayor and don’t you worry, if there’s anything we’re full of here at the Splog, it’s shit. I wanted to draw your attention to an event on Wednesday that has the potential to greatly affect the futurepast (I just coined that shit) of our city. Here are the details:

Mayoral candidates preservation summit
Wednesday, July 29 7:00 PM - 9:00 PM
Studio@620

It looks like most of the candidates will be in attendance to discuss their thoughts and plans on preservation. This could be a complete suckfest, the details seem to focus more on Saint Petersburg Preservation presenting something or another and then having the candidates respond in 5 minutes. I’m less interested in hearing from SPP, I know what they want, so I’m hoping there will be enough time for the candidates to speak at length about their take on preserving a city that has a history of seriously screwing this up.

My #1 question would be this: how will you, personally, prevent the same bullshit mistakes that have turned large chunks of Central Ave. into a ghost town? And if Scott Wagman says he’ll paint that shit, I’ll punch him right in the nuts.

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There is so much awesome in this photo I don’t even know where to start. The auditions for this band must have been interesting to say the least. And boy do I have great news for you: tonight you are going to the Ritz to see Who’s Bad, the Michael Jackson tribute band. Yes, yes you are. I mean, look at these guys, how can this be anything less than absolute perfection?

I’m rather intrigued by the photo below. Is there a tiny person and a stoner actually IN the band? Or are these just the type of people that came to the show? Either way I want in on that party.

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The clowns over at This Just In have a knack for poor writing. Now, granted, when you’re trying to break news in the breaking news utopia of Florida it is kind of hard to pay attention to the basics of writing. But, I digress. Today these folks have written what may very well be the perfect headline for this story:

Trucks loaded with beer stolen; thieves remain missing, possibly drunk

Everything you could possibly need to know about the story right there for you to lazily take in. However, it also leaves just enough to the imagination that you are compelled to check out the details. Although that compulsion is probably more from being conditioned by Florida news to know that there is more gold to be found.

Deputies found the trucks’ cabs abandoned in a vacant lot in the 300 block of W Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard around 5 p.m. The trailers and the likely tipsy thieves are still missing.

Damn, these aren’t your standard thugs we’re talking about - these are thugs with a third and perhaps fourth cab that they used to transport the trailers. I’m impressed, fellas. Of course now there is the trick of moving $70,000 worth of beer without drawing too much attention.

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I swear the Lord himself is throwing us all kinds of shit to post because he was bummed he couldn’t get his laugh on while we were away. File this one under HOLY FUCKING SHIT…

ST. PETE BEACH — Emergency personnel are investigating a report of a shark attack in the waters behind a home off Boca Ciega Drive Wednesday afternoon.

Dude, what? A shark rolled up into someone’s backyard and bit their ass? What is this town coming to?

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This dude is going to be seriously pissed when he wakes up on November 4 and realizes he has spent a small fortune on yard signs, Google ads and a team of people annoying me with shitty e-mails. Hell, he may be pissed on September 2, but you have to guess that the sheer number of times people will see his dumb signs will get him through the primary.

Seriously, though, the guy sells paint. He may be lovely, smart, have good ideas, etc. but what the hell does selling paint have to do with mayorin’? I’ll tell you: nothing. The one thing he does have going for him is his delusions of grandeur - check this out from his most recent e-mail:

The Pier visioning committee needs some time to do its job and come up with the next version of this important asset to our city. Paris has the Eiffel Tower, New York has the Statue of Liberty and, under my watch, St. Petersburg will have its subsidy free and iconic Pier for tourists and locals alike.

Sweet, that sounds totally attainable: something in the ‘burg that people equate with national treasures. Remember kids, open a window when working with paint, the fumes can be quite dangerous.

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That’s right kids, the swine flu has hit the ‘burg. Cue hysteria and panic in the streets.

“A child attending A Ginny’s Little Giants day care facility in north St. Petersburg has contracted swine flu, according to Bay News 9.”

That is an actual photo of how the kid contracted it. Seriously. The little dude was making out with a sick pig. Wait, sorry. I must admit I didn’t actually read the story so I drew my own conclusions and searched for a photo that made the most sense. But I bet I’m pretty close to the truth.

There aren’t a lot of details just yet, but the underlying message is clear: RUN FOR THE FUCKING HILLS, WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!1!!!1!

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Yeah, that’s right, we aren’t dead. We were so proud of our own Sean Roberts (a.k.a. “Crazy Cracker”) that we came out of retirement for this one. Lesson for all you folks out there fretting over exactly what to get permanently etched into your face: a tattoo of Florida is a swell idea, just remember to cover it up during that next home invasion robbery.

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