I felt pressured to write some kind of a Top 10, or a look back at 2008 or some kind of bullshit low hanging fruit post like every other blog out in the interether but I’m too damn lazy. Fortunately the AP had enough good sense to realize what a goddamn goldmine Florida is for weird news stories and produced this look at the year in news.

Assuming you’re half as lazy as I am you probably won’t read the thing, so here are a few of my favorites:

Dude steals hearse in the middle of funeral
This is a dude after my own heart, some day I will own a hearse. Unfortunately, his method of obtaining one resulted in a bullet in the leg and a new roommate that is quite fond of his mangina.

Florida: tough on farts
Apparently farting in class in Stuart, FL will get your ass arrested. Funny thing is you’d think the cops would have their hands full with all the criminals they can’t seem to find.

Brilliant getaway thwarted by superhuman cops
Police in Merritt Island were somehow able to catch up with a dude who robbed a bank and attempted to get away… in his electric wheelchair.

Heroic husband saves fox by shooting wife
Hey honey, there’s a fox out front, let’s go check it out. No problem, honey, but be sure to shoot it if the thing bites me!

Not one, but two dudes go to jail for battering their old ladies with sandwiches
No, seriously.

94 year old picks up hooker and gets off
Well, gets off when the judge rules entrapment.

Honorary mention:

I wanted to do hoodrat stuff for my friend
Hopefully you remember my tiny hero.