GODDAMN YOU BARACK OBAMA! Seriously, this kind of story can only unfold in St. Petersburg, or to be fair in Florida. Obamania appears to have spread to an alarming degree, now causing honky-as-they-come white dudes to claim they are black. No, I’m not kidding.

Bill Foster and Scott Wagman both want to be the city’s first black mayor. There’s just one problem. They’re both white.

Uh, what now?! Are these assholes serious? Wow… another new low for politics in the ‘burg. Whether they’re joking or not this is precisely the kind of thing that we do not need right now. There are two honest to goodness African Americans running for mayor, why not elect one of them? Although, scratch that, if you’re one of those idiots that votes based on race or sex of the candidate just stay home that day.

This struck me as a bit troubling as well, although I admit I may be reading too much into it:

Both candidates also recently expanded their roles in the local NAACP: Foster, a lawyer, will provide legal advice. Wagman, a real estate broker, offered his economic development expertise.

Saying that you’re involved with the black community means that you provide legal advice (since they are always in legal trouble) and economic development (since they are so poor)? I mean, good, I think you should be more involved - but hanging your hat on those things seems a little odd in comparison to being involved with something like the Midtown project.

I’ve also got to dish out a “tsk, tsk” to Rep. Darryl Rouson. Instead of setting these modern day blackface jackholes straight, he fueled the fire by saying Wagman might try a generous douse of self-tanner. Dude, Darryl, turn your balls on and tell this dipshit the last thing we need in a town that seems to forget about our long history of racial issues (ahem, riot anyone?) is this kind of horseshit. I mean, sweet baby Jesus, we can’t even get through a tampabay.com story without a racist comment.

While we’re discussing the merits of these two outstanding candidates let us not forget that in addition to being black, Bill Foster has a colorful history of bat-shit-craziness with creationism. That’s right, folks, I’m pretty sure he’s not the kind of dude we want running the show. Scott Wagman hasn’t announced his feelings on dinosaurs, but that’s probably because he’s been too busy doing NOTHING RELATED TO RUNNING A CITY. Sorry bro, running a real estate company after a few years at the family paint business doesn’t quite prepare you. Besides, isn’t it a bunch of real estate doucheholes that got us into this mess with all the half built condos and empty blocks downtown? No thanks, brody.

Remember kids, there are 4 city council seats up for grabs in addition to the mayorship. Also recall that we have an alarmingly white group of folks running this joint. So does this mean we’ll just keep being lead by a bunch of crackers, despite the fact that nearly a quarter of our residents are African American, but now they’ll all refer to themselves as black?