So, first there was this story about how the St. Pete PD is getting nine new yet completely oldskool (read: not energy efficient) Crown Victorias for its fleet, which, you know, would be swell were it not for the fact that it conflicts with the Mayor’s direct statement that, as a part of the larger greening of St. Pete, the city would no longer be buying those gas-guzzling things.  Apparently those sorts of things, while more or less routine, are supposed to be voted on, but, you know, why let something like actual authorization get in the way of placing the order for the cars?  No one’s gonna care, right kids?  No one except Karl Nurse, who was all like “slow your roll, council folk”, but they were like, “Oh shit, Karl, it’s too late man!”  Brilliant.  There’s kind of a bright side, though, I mean, for the most part, the silhouette of a Crown Vic has been burned into our brains at this point, so even catching one in your peripheral vision sends a quick message to your brain along the lines of “stop driving like a douche for a second!”  Yeah, it would definitely suck getting pulled over out of nowhere by a Honda Fit.

In other shitty green news, apparently the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Department is reporting the seizure of 1.5 tons of marijuana in a recent drug bust.  Wait, wtf?  1.5 tons of weed?  Man, it’s already getting more and more difficult to live here and have a positive attitude and now you’re telling me I have to do it without the aid of pot?  Well shit.  Prepare to see a rapid increase in violent crime, punctuality, and in the number of AA degrees actually completed at your local junior college.  Also, prepare to see a swift downturn in the local fast food economy.

Let’s try to wrap our heads around this tragedy with the Splog’s handy dandy guide to the Black Thursday Hugh Jass Pot Bust of ‘08.

Smallest unit of pot measurement = 1 gram.

Generally, 1 joint is approximately 1 gram.

1 Ounce = 28 grams.

16 ounces in a pound = 448 grams.

2,000 pounds in a ton = 896,000 grams.

1.5 tons = 1,344,000 grams, or

1,344,000 Joints

Now, I’m sure I’m going to get a bunch of emails from a bunch of stoners with a newfound sense of arithmetic clarity who will want to splt seeds over how much is in a joint.  I don’t care.  You get the idea.  Also, not that the enforcement agency in question would ever exaggerate the size of a bust, but 1.5 tons?  Are you counting the people you found on the couch in the houses you raided?