If you’re not getting the title of this post, then you might want to watch the video in the previous post in order to get up to speed.  Anyway, in case you weren’t tipped off by the media maelstrom of hysterical insinuation, oversaturation, click-baiting rhetoric, certain cones of grave uncertainty, there’s a goddamn hurricane on kids!  Apparently, it’s really unfortunate that this storm is so disorganized, because you know, it makes it difficult to track its center.  Wait, did I say unfortunate?  I meant, fortuitous, because it helps keep everyone in a state of media-sluriping frenzy.  I mean, jesus, the storm’s potential track covers the entire state of Florida, which is to say that present info seems to be vague at best, then again, one of those 37 computer generated models has this thing landing RIGHT IN YOUR GODDAMN LIVING ROOM.  No, seriously, model #24 v1.2a is named, “Your Goddamn Living Room Tracker.”  Every time they show one of those computer model clusters, like 12 of them show the storm well off to the east of Tampa Bay.  One of them somehow miraculously ends up in Nebraska, and the last one does, in fact, show a track directly over Tampa.  Shockingly, this is the bright pink one.

As far as  I can tell, most of the reporting on any potential catastrophe sort of follows this model:

You might make it home safely today.

But there’s always a slight chance that 300 ninja paratroopers will suddenly drop from the sky and kill you.  Stay tuned to the Splog for all your ninja paratrooper coverage.

Whatevs.  Be ready.  And if they tell you to leave, then fucking leave; Rent-a-Center probably has insurance on that plasma anyway.