I think we can all agree on something right now.  There’s just something not quite right about people who actively choose to drive PT Cruisers.  A recent impromptu poll I took among people who don’t actually drive PT Cruisers confirms this.  The general consensus was that the sort of people who drive these cars probably have first-hand experience with a pyramid scheme, and have narrowly avoided involvement in various white collar crimes.  Presently they’re putting fliers for their new tan and smoothie business in Evos.

It’s one of those cars that seems to have borrowed a great deal from the cars of people who actually know a thing or two about classic styles, restoration and chopping, but says, “Hey, you, you sort of think that stuff is kind of neat, huh?  But you’re not sure why, and you certainly don’t know a goddamn thing about it, but maybe you’d like to pretend to be cool like that.”  It’s like a fake pair of Chuck Taylors.  The only people who should be driving those cars are old men with jaunty caps.  As far as I’m concerned, old men with jaunty caps can do whatever the fuck they want.

Anyway, I’m bringing this up because I’ve noticed a lot of PT Cruisers running around town advertising some kind of custom meat delivery service.  These services have clever names like The Meat Man, and Beefy Meat Slingerz.  This bothers me.  See, I remember The Meatmen, and they sure as shit didn’t drive PT Cruisers plastered in bad ad designs culminating in weak .info domain names.

See how this works? They’re the Meatmen, and you do, in fact, suck.

I wanted to write more about these local meat men, but none of the domains I remember from their awesome rides were resolving.  Maybe I left out a .biz or something.  I’ll have to wait until the next time I see them on the street.

The consolation for this is that it reminded me of a similarly awesome ad-ride.  Perhaps you’ve seen it.  Yes, that yellow Mazda Protege enticing all of us to “just whistle.”  When I first saw this car, I remember thinking, yes, now this is the kind of person with a website.  I thought that because the url was displayed prominently on the car itself.  I am good like that.  I am also good enough to know that generally speaking, websites advertised via urls on back windows are usually a wonderland of design and programming Win.

This yellow car belongs to none other than local whistling virtuoso “Whistlin’ Tom.”  This is Whistlin’ Tom’s home on the internets.  It’s pretty much exactly what you would expect.  In fact, it’s barely worth talking about.  Bizarre copy that tries just a little to hard to elevate whistling to a serious art form?  Check.  Dude in zany print shirts with a moustache?  Check.  Comic Sans?  You better fucking believe it.  Obligatory Times article?  Absolutely.

It’s a proven fact; if you’re capable of doing something slightly more creative than breathing, the Times would like to talk to you about a feature article.

The high point for me is the Whistlegram service.  Dude, will whistle over the phone to your relatives and loved ones.  I love it.

It seems like Tom’s done pretty well for himself, and you know, he does have something resembling a talent.  Now if he could get away from referring to himself as the “Lord of Lips” and from using squirmy phrases like “Puckulations,” we’d probably get along just fine.