Keeping in line with today’s theme of Ur Doing it Wrong, I thought I’d mention the awesome predicament of one Hiram Melvin, a convicted felon, who was arrested for having in his possession, among other things, a long, cylindrical thingy bearing an unfortunate resemblance to a rocket launcher. Wait, can you be an unconvicted felon? I mean, you can be accused of a felony, but not yet convicted, so really you’re not a felon yet. Fuck if I know. I digress.

Anyway, our boy Hiram, whose name lets you know he’s passed that certain threshold of redneck where the Old Testament becomes your version of babynames.com, has in fact been charged with possession of a hoax weapon of mass destruction. No, seriously, it’s an actual charge. Let this be a lesson to all you military style live action role playing types, that lovingly-crafted replica of the plasma sword from Halo might just land you in a very not replica version of a PMITA prison. Remember, this is ‘Merica, we start wars over imaginary weapons of mass destruction. At least they got Hiram. Mission accomplished!

You know what else is a serious bag of win? Hiram’s shirt. That shit says “Chip.” Hiram is singlehandedly bringing back the grunge-era ironic gas station attendant shirt. Thanks for the Singles lulz, man.