While this is mainly Casey’s area of expertise, you don’t really need his excruciating familiarity with the entire online dating scene to know that there are loads of online dating sites out there at this point. They’re getting more specific, too.

Let’s face it; you got that ass because you like to go to Burger King and have it your way at least five times a week, and that’s ok, because there’s probably a site out there specifically for people at your local Burger King who order the same thing as you every day. Indeed, it’s called, thatoneBKweallgotoConnect.com.

Ok, maybe this new crop of sites isn’t that specific, but you know, they’re still pretty specific - well beyond Jdate and OnlineJesusFinder.com. Do you like teh w33d? Head on over to PotPartners.com. Are you batshit crazy? Would you like to date someone else who is batshit crazy? Then nolongerlonely.com is for you, where everyone on the site has some form of mental illness.

I wonder if your compatibility with someone there increases based on the similarity of your symptoms, or maybe you’re supposed to find someone with a disorder on the other end of the spectrum, you know, so you cancel each other out. I think this is what psychologists refer to as the principles of constructive and destructive interpersonal interference. You know, like waves, but different.

Why am I bringing any of this up? Because here in the Tampa area, we’ve got a company that developed its own niche dating site - SaferDates.com. To what niche do they cater? Well, it’s not immediately apparent. It’s pretty cookie cutter, really. You see most of the stuff you’d expect to see. You know, it’s a scary .NET generated template thing with your basic sampling of over compressed stock photography and blurry graphics. Profiles, search, user matching, etc., etc.

There’s the obligatory team of experts. Relationship expert? Check. Psych stats dude? Check. Private investigator and Martial Arts expert? Check.

Wait, what the fuck?

Maybe some copy from their press center will help:

According to the U.S. Department of justice, a woman is raped every 2 minutes somewhere in America.

Saferdates.com is the first online dating website to offer a background investigation utilizing fingerprint identification and screening. Our goal is to educate our members on safer dating - focusing on both your emotional and physical safety by offering access to monthly articles, tips on safety and relationships; as well as, Q & A by our Team of Experts.

Oh, I get it; it’s a dating site for hysterical people who failed to recognize that Orwell’s 1984 was a dystopian scenario - you know, a bad thing. Apparently, surveillance really is security. See, I mean, if you’ve really got nothing to hide, then you’ll willingly offer up your fingerprints, collegiate political history, colonoscopy results, genome map, polygraph, full genealogy, various cells, CT, blood gas, pre-school transcripts and voiding cystourethrogram results in order to qualify for the site’s Level II Verification. Level II means that you’re a model citizen, and you get a special icon on your profile that tells all your potential dates, “Hey, I’m a model citizen!  Freakin’ date me right now!”

It’s true, though, even a dating system founded on the time-honored principles of Total Information Awareness isn’t foolproof. This is why there’s an astrologist on staff. You might not be a sex offender . . . yet, but if it’s in your stars, she’ll know. If all else fails, you’ll be fully trained in ball-crunching self defense, just in case it turns out your painstakingly-certified Mr. Right holds that goodbye hug a nanosecond too long.

Wow, so there you have it. If you’re one of the increasing number of people who are falling over themselves to divulge as much personal information as possible to some web service, then this site might be for you. I’ll be the one standing over by the jukebox with the conspicuously ink-free fingerprints.