zookeeping r hardThe Breaking News blog over at tampabay.com recently posted a seemingly humorous story under the headline “Seen a monkey loose in your subdivision?” It is of course full of the hi-jinx you’d expect when 15 monkeys escape and run rampant through Lakeland. You know, zany, wacky and all of that shit.

Here’s the bit that bothers me, though - the monkeys are owned by one Lex Salisbury, CEO of Tampa’s Lowry Park Zoo. Yes, the same Lex Salisbury that capped a tiger 4 times with a shotgun at the zoo in ‘06. You may recall that he blamed a crappy new zookeeper for not locking the door properly.

So here we have Lex, who is running some kind of freaky ass zoo at his house, allowing 15 monkeys to escape. Seriously, a zoo, people. Scope the facts: the dude has a 50 acre ranch in Tampa with warthogs, antelope, bongos, zebras, oryx, and pygmy hippos. The monkeys escaped from something he calls “Safari Wild” which sounds an awful lot like a front for his growing menagerie. What the shit is going on here?! Fact check my ass (with pictures) by ctrl+f’ing ’salisbury’ on this page.

Does something seem amiss here? First of all it is just weird. Secondly, the dude obviously has some kind of animal fetish and his $266,000 per year salary helps feed it (by contrast, the mayor of Tampa only makes $150,000). Thirdly, the dude sucks at keeping animals safely locked up in their cages.

P.S. If you have a lot of time to kill, scope out this 9 part series on life at the zoo.