Archive for March, 2008
I know this is a fine line, so let’s all tread carefully, yes? As you probably know, yesterday the Legislature approved a resolution expressing “profound regret for the involuntary servitude of Africans, and calling for reconciliation among all Floridians.” There has been lots of talk about it, and now we’re officially apologizing for slavery.
I have to be completely honest here and say I really don’t know how to feel about this. My gut says day late, dollar short. My head says our legislature has more pressing matters to concern themselves with than meaningless rhetoric that falls far short of actually making any damn difference with regards to slavery. Somewhere in between says it is sad that a bunch of white dudes probably think this makes it OK to be a racist - “I apologized, didn’t I? Shit, what more do you want?!”
Based on the lackluster performance of the Legislature of late, ultimately I’m just disappointed. I know this is important, and I’m glad that somewhere in the official records of our sad, sad history there will be a formal apology for future aliens to read. I just can’t help but think there are more important things they could be doing this very moment - you know, like enacting legislation that fights the issues of racism that we see today. That’d be a novel idea, eh?
Unfortunately it just wouldn’t be a Splog post if we didn’t make some kind of inappropriate joke. So, I present to you, the original caption of the photo that ran with the story:
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No, I’m not kidding. Breaking news from the Herald Tribune: Stolen artificial body parts returned.
Stealing stuff is pretty cool. Grave robbery is even cooler. Stealing artificial body parts that are leftovers from cremations = Fonz.
Seriously, though, did you know that artificial body part leftovers from cremations end up in a single vault at most cemeteries? I sure didn’t. We’re talking 2,000 pounds of crap - how many dead people must that represent? I sort of assumed that stuff got hocked by the funeral home or something, shows how much I know about proper burial techniques.
The good news is that they didn’t find my personal stash from the original heist, and right now you can bid on a fake leg I’ve got on eBay.
I know we’re a bunch of immature assholes here, but sometimes I really have to scratch my head at the kind of stuff that gets called news around these parts. I opened my daily e-mail from tampabay.com and got a big ol’, oversized eye full of a headline screaming Tampa’s newest porn star? It could be you with a half naked chick. Spam? Nope, just the good ol’ local news media.
Seriously, this is news? Sheesh. Go ahead and click on that link and read the awesomeness that is pandering. Oh, and note that the page title up at the tippy top of your browser there is SeXXX Ed. Clever. Tsk tsk, Times, pretty sad when major news stories are relegated to 2 paragraphs written by the interns over at the Breaking News blog while shit like this is treated like a contender for the Pulitzer prize.
At least I got a chuckle out of the random coincidence of ads that showed up. I had no idea Paula Zahn was in porn.
Or at least I think that is what’s happening in the photo below. It looks to me like a pirate and the mayor having some sort of meeting. And I can’t tell if that is just bad wall paneling, or if they are inside of a pirate ship?
Oh shit, wait. Nope, my bad. That’s Chihuly and they actually appear to be somewhere in Seattle. Well I’ll be damned, I guess that Arts Center expansion is really happening! Just don’t count on any condos being a part of it.
Total bonus point for the Times finding the humor in the word choice of the notoriously monosighted artist:
Declaring the plans “look fabulous,” internationally famous glass sculptor Dale Chihuly on Tuesday confirmed his commitment to a new St. Petersburg museum for his colorful glass sculptures.
That’s cold, Times, cold.
Dude, the proverbial writing is on the proverbial wall… proverbially. St. Petersburg to see its final spring training game Friday after 94 years.
It looks like the Rays are moving their training facilities up to Port Charlotte at the Charlotte County Sports Plex. ‘Cause, you know, Port Charlotte is totally on the map in a way that St. Petersburg can never be. Oh, and having your training take place 90 minutes away from your base, versus 2 minutes, is always more convenient.
As usual, the St. Pete Times asks the tough questions:
Did the Rays only move because they wanted to build a new stadium on the Progress Energy Park site?
Team officials say they never seriously discussed building a new permanent home at the stadium until the deal with Charlotte County was completed. That said, one project may have helped push along the other one.
First off, I’d definitely trust team officials since they are a totally unbiased party to the new stadium. Secondly, just a really lazy first pass search finds groundbreaking in Port Charlotte taking place last August - you may remember that by last August we already had completed plans for the stadium. So yeah, my guess is that you guys knew about the stadium well before the deal with Charlotte County.
Anywho, back to the proverbials - the new stadium is getting built no matter what. People keep trying to make it sound like we will have a say in it, but that’s all bullshit, my guess is that the requisite paperwork was signed ages ago and right now it is just a waiting game. Part of that waiting game just took care of itself with the vacancy of Al Lang.
Also, not sure we’ve linked to this before, but be sure to bookmark Preserve Our Wallets and Waterfronts, an excellent resource on the trouble with a new stadium. Their number one complaint, the cost, is particularly poignant today as the Legislature debates a third round of budget cuts.
Frequent commenter Amy recently busted my chops for my lack of intelligent content of late. Normally I would say something witty and debonaire like “I fart in your general direction,” but instead today we are going to actually give a shout out to another blog - a rarity I know.
Amy runs Sunshine City Lassie and last week I read a really moving post about a homeless man she met. Even a cynical old asshole like me can occasionally be pried away from my maturity blackhole by a pretty simple act of kindness to the ghost inhabitants of St. Pete. Take a minute to read about a man named Jimmy. Then take a few minutes thinking about the last time you did something nice for a stranger down on their luck. These people are a fact of life in St. Pete and it is abundantly clear the city isn’t planning to do shit to help them out, which means it lies squarely in the laps of the people, you and me, to help out in any way we can.
While you’re there, feel free to check out the rest of Amy’s unique blend of crafting, Etsy, fashion and vintage miniature furniture. Hell, you could even buy some of her Etsy crap if you felt so compelled.
Pale sale!!1! Here’s your chance to own some totally radical art without totally breaking the bank. Many of the pieces from the recent Pale Horse show are available for you to purchase right mofuggin’ now. Just remember, kids, a few hundred dollars for quality art is a steal. It seems like people in these parts just don’t seem to get that.
Oh hai! I have a mohawk, LOL!!1! I m badass outsider. OMFG, teh man is keeping me downzorz!
This kid needs me to punch him right in the throat. He’s just begging for it. I can hear him now…
Please, please Casey, punch me right in the throat. I know that I’m a total douchebag kid trying to get attention because I cut my hair in a totally original and alter-native way. And even though I totally made up the story about me being repressed, and the principal actually doesn’t give a shit about my hair, I’m still going to take a stand for my rights as a creative, free thinking individual.
Sigh. While we’re at it, let’s save a jab to the jugular for the dickface reporter who actually says that the ‘do’ can withstand 30 mph winds… what the hell is wrong with this world?
Kids, gather ’round grandpa Casey and pay attention. Just because some welding cart ’smart’ kid saw a mohawk in the latest Urban Outfitters ad and thought it’d look dope doesn’t mean he is fighting for shit. In fact, he isn’t fighting anything, he hasn’t been chosen to speak at graduation nor has he been asked to cut his hair. If anything he’d have to style it slightly differently to get a hat on his head. And for this we’ve got a news story about the plight of poor Jacob Settle? Listen Jachole, sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up. No one cares. You are an embarrassment to the people who are actually fighting the good fight of antiestablishmentism.
P.S. We now move from me posting lazy ass pictures with text on them to me posting angry rants about throat punching. You’re welcome.
I’ve been posting like a complete lazy ass lately, so I will now make up for that with a long post full of all kinds of shit. Shit like lists of links. Lists of links means I am not lazy.
Pale Horse Design (fka Blackout Creations) is kicking off a new wave of shows with The Second Coming, a Four Horseman inspired show featuring 30+ artists. That Chris Parks sure is a clever one, pale horse was the fourth of the horsemen. Wait, either he’s clever or he’s into “horseplay.” Eww.
The opening reception is Saturday, March 15th from 8:00 - 11:00 pm. Pale Horse sits right where Blackout was at Central and MLK (follow the loud music and tattooed hipsters). Get there early because the drinks are free, but they usually go pretty fast. If you miss the reception you can still stop by and check the art out until March 29th - be sure to harass Chris while you’re there.
The show promises to be another great reason to actually go downtown on a Saturday night. If you’re bored and you want to check out all the artists that will be showing, be my guest! They are as follows:
Hehe. Pirate boat sink. It appears that this actually happened back on February 27th, so yes, we’re late to report it but screw you - so was the Times.
Am I the only person that thought it didn’t look like a real pirate ship to begin with? Even the Sail World story covering the sinking referred to it as a pirate ship replica. Isn’t it more like a toy pirate ship replica? Either way it apparently was a pretty damn good replica since pirate ships often sunk - although usually that was preceded by cannon fire.
The best part of this story is that some future generation will find this shipwreck and be hella confused.
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