1. The primary totally already happened.

2. It wouldn’t even be amusing if the primary hadn’t already happened.

3. Seriously? Instead of talking issues or trying to tell me why I should be a republican you’re going to keep milking this shit? Weak.

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That’s right; Early Day Miners are back in town for a show. That can only mean one thing - that you need to get your ass down to New World Brewery this Friday to have the aforementioned ass get rocked. I mean, you know, rocked kind of gently and without vocals for the most part, but rocked nonetheless. But wait; there’s more. The show also includes a ton of local awesome from Petrograd in Transit, When Tides Collide and, wait for it, Wade Tatangelo’s favorite band, Zillionaire. Zillionaire’s new record just got a 6.8 in Pitchfork. Not bad for a bunch of Tampions, not bad indeed. Details. Check them.

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Good news on the music front for the ol’ St. Pete with Push Ultra Lounge, which is being booked on Thursday nights by Thx Mgmt (aka REAX publisher Joel Cook). Sure their MySpace will make you run in the opposite direction and you wouldn’t necessarily want to accidentally show up at “Saturday Night Vibe with DJ Scooter,” but Thursday nights are looking pretty kickass in the coming months. The Beauvilles are playing February 14 with Summerbirds in the Cellar following them up on February 21. March 6 you can catch Velveteen Pink and Giddy-Up, Helicopter. Dude, the doctor called, he said you need more live music on Thursdays - get to it!

Here’s the inevitable pessimistic part of the post: please, please, please don’t fuck this up St. Pete. Push is not a small space and all I can see in my head is a really good band showing up and playing for 14 people in a place that should hold 300. I don’t like the Garage, but it comes to mind as a place that could have been a contender for live music but remains maddeningly devoid of rockshow fans. Don’t make this another Garage. This is our chance to actually make St. Pete a place where bands might actually play shows, imagine that shit. And just think, we could all use a few less trips over the bridge with one tied on.

Interesting incestuous side note: tickets for Thx Push shows are sold through Merchline, who also sells our shirts, and may or may not be run by a member of Auto!Automatic!!. Man, the Bay area music/culture/art scene is crazy inbred. Not interesting personal side note: Joel, much love and respect, but you might want to lay off the 100% magenta/45 degree angle thing… I think that even looks old in Florida these days.

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Small news update today, reminding us once again why Florida is a never-ending source of fodder for the rest of the nation to laugh and point at us.

Defendant brings feces to court
It looks like some genius over in Tampa figures he can get a lesser sentence if he can convince a judge that he’s insane. And really, you need to hand it to him for the creative methods he is employing: Cutting wrists in court? Check. Smearing doo doo butter on own face in court? Check. Hiding caca in your pocket before court date for a potential repeat of previous method? Check. Unfortunately for Robert Sinclaire Lee he didn’t convince anyone, and will now face charges not as incompetent, but instead as a dude that rubbed dookie on his face for no good reason. Bonus points for people that read the whole story and then look up malingering, the Splog vocab word of the day.

Former DCF spokesman arrested on federal child porn charges
PR people are scum, this we already know. However, Al Zimmerman took it to a new level when he decided that the best job he could have as a pedophile is the spokesperson for the Florida Department of Children and Families. No one will ever think to look for me here in broad daylight! Not to mention it gave him access to lists of sexually abused (or as he called them: “ripe for the pickin’”) children. I’d like to add just a small bit that the story left out:

If convicted, Zimmerman faces a mandatory minimum sentence of 15 years to 30 years in prison on the federal charges. He faces up to 120 years in prison if convicted of the eight state charges.

My addition: “Regardless of the length of his sentence, Zimmerman faces guaranteed anal rape every day of his incarcerated life, that is of course assuming that he won’t first be killed by inmates who traditionally frown upon crimes against children. Good luck, Al!”

Be sure to read the much deeper TBO.com story that covers all the awesome additional information like his former employment as a Bay News 9 reporter and the fact that Charlie Crist was one of his references when he landed the job. Le sigh. And check this forum post where the image comes from which contains fun facts like Al’s outstanding warrant in Texas for theft, his 90’s DUI charges in Georgia and his arrest for passing a bad check in Florida.

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I know you all are sitting there like “I knew these idiots would run out of stuff to say.” Well we didn’t, we’re just such badasses that we like to watch our traffic continue to grow even when we don’t post. Yes, we’re that good.

In the meantime, someone explain to me why the abomination of internets that is Pinellasdeals.com is blowing up the morning tv microwaves with commercials. Their commercials are almost as good as the god awful music loop that I can’t turn off while viewing their most awesome deals. Seriously, people, music loops on websites wasn’t even a good idea in 19fucking98.

I’ll give them one thing: I’m highly entertained by the amateur “commercials” embedded on the homepage. The dudes making custom tables is my favorite at the moment, but be sure to check them all out. My guess is you buy an “ad” from them, and they throw in a “professionally produced commercial.” Sounds about right for Pinellas County.

While you’re researching that for me, find out why the site is designed by 123Triad in LA and Raleigh. Usually these are done by local jerks out to screw businesses out of a buck, this is a little unique in that it lacks that at least from an initial glance.

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Seriously, I’m lazy, you fuckers try coming up with shit on a regular basis. The below was submitted by Thug. Mmmm, Sugar Crists.

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