Sigh. Welcome to Amateurville. I’ve been pimpin’ the holiday festivities around town to encourage you good readers to get in the spirit, but dammit, I didn’t factor in that the city has a habit of screwing things up. Let’s take Saturday night for example. From both the city and Pier website I pasted the following:

Dec. 8 - The Bruce Watters Jewelers Lighted Boat Parade at The Pier.
The Pier, 800 2nd Ave. N.E. 6:30 to 8:30 p.m. Holiday spirit and music fill the air as lighted and decorated boats cruise by The Pier and around the downtown waterfront. Free.

Dec. 8 - Tuba Christmas.
The Pier, 800 2nd Ave. N.E. Starting at approximately at 8:00 p.m. A tuba-musical holiday celebration. Free.

Sounds good, let’s throw in a stop by the Snow Fest ice skating rink in North Straub Park afterward and we’ll have a fine and festive evening.

Just like the kid in the picture at right, I had a sore ass at the end of the evening but it had nothing to do with the 12′ X 12′ “ice” rink. You see, for whatever damn reason that I just can’t explain, each time I think the city is going to pull up its big boy pants and do what other cities have been doing for ages they totally fuck it up.

We arrive at the boat parade just after 7, figuring we’ll have missed a late start but avoid the throngs. Wrong. Looks like the whole damn thing is over, no more boats. No more people. No more nothing. Awesome. I guess we’ll go down to the Pier to make sure we don’t miss the Tuba show. Wrong. Looks like both the city and the Pier site had it wrong (and the paper) and the shit was actually at 5:30. Perfect. Well, the ice rink must be at least worth watching for a few minutes. Wrong. What the hell is this? 100 plastic cutting boards snapped together? We’ve got a 12′ square that kids are basically walking on since it doesn’t seem to be the tiniest amount slippery. Fail.

Come on Spete. Are you even trying? If you screw stuff up during the year it is annoying, but passing. You fuck with my Christmas, though, and we’re going to have to go to blows.