What’s more fun than colorful toy beads that fuse together when sprayed with water? Colorful toy beads that fuse together when sprayed with water and also happen to turn into GHB when they fuse with your stomach acids. Holy crap. Yes, it’s another recalled toy from China. Please allow all manner of jingoistic parental freak outs to commence at once. Also please commence the rejoicing of ludicruously-dressed candy ravers everywhere.

I don’t suppose this has anything to do with recent statements by China that they might stop investing in the US dollar, does it?

It’s swell how every news outlet is just skipping any mention of the drug itself and just going for its seedier application as “a dangerous date rape drug.” Believe it or not, people still take GHB for fun (exhibit A: David Boston). I mean, come on. It does all this:

Common effects include intoxication, increased energy, happiness, excessive talking, the desire to socialize, strong feelings of affection and playfulness, enhanced sexual experience, loss of coordination due to loss of muscle tone, difficulty concentrating, and loss of gag reflex.

Seriously, if there’s one thing you need to learn by the age of twenty it’s that the phrase “loss of gag reflex” is just another way of saying party.