Maybe the absurdly high concentration of republicans in my neighborhood presently has got me thinking about women’s rights. I mean, if a temporary spike in right-leaning douchehattery in your neighborhood doesn’t make you reminisce about the many feminist initiatives led by the Southeast generally then you, dear reader, haven’t been paying attention.

I had all this in mind today when I ran across this article informing me that, in an act that will surely end with them all cast in bronze and placed next to a colossal statue of Susan B. Anthony, the Pinellas-Pasco State Attorney’s Office has decided to drop the charge of prostitution against the clinically depressed, schizophrenic woman lured to that fat dude’s house in Port Richey and held as his sex slave for weeks on end.

You may remember this story from a while back. I wrote about it, and it was like, totally on the cover of *tbt one day. Seriously, how could you not remember? Anyway, yes, Port Richey resident Drew Kobak, aka Master Drew, Heatmiser, Lunchbox, etc not only committed the crime of trying to pass off bad facial hair as a jaw line, he also lured a young, clinically unstable woman from her home in Maryland and made her his contractual sex slave. Well, who knows? Maybe she wasn’t completely schizophrenic at the time. As her father notes, she did leave the house that day with a week’s worth of medication. Did I mention she was nineteen at the time?

I’m just glad the crack team of forward-thinking attorneys over there thought it might be prudent to reconsider their original position that if this poor woman hadn’t had a vagina none of this would have happened in the first place. No, wait a minute folks, I think in this case she might actually be a . . . shit, now what was that word again? Oh, victim. Right. Well, I mean, we’ll have to find some way around this fake contract she signed. I mean, it’s not like she’s schizophrenic or something. Wait, what’s that? Awww, balls. Ok, there’s that and the fact that this Drew character used a script font when he typed the thing. That pretty much renders any contract invalid, right?