I came across this story from the Trib (and yes, I’m about a week late on it) about the Tampa Bay Technology Forum setting a goal of putting the Bay area among the top 10 technology markets in the United States by 2015. Hahahahahahaha… hahaha… haha… ahem… hang on a second… HAHAHAHA. Whew, I’m crying here.

I wonder what kind of cities the TBTF are aspiring to be like?

The forum wants to put the Bay area on par with cities such as Seattle, San Francisco, Boston and others that sprout a steady stream of meteoric tech startups. TBTF leaders want this community to foster technology companies here the way that Hollywood produces movies - systematically, profitably and publicly.

Ah, yes, I’ve heard this one before: Small city with a decent media market thinks they can play in the big leagues, media picks up on it (without providing any critical analysis of the claim), city fails miserably and then shuts the fuck up. Seriously guys, you’re just going to come out looking like assholes on this one, don’t make big stupid claims like that, just focus on making this a better place to start a company.

I’m sure a representative from TBTF would quickly point out “but we’ve got a plan! We’ve got a plan with 5 points! A 5-pronged battle plan, if you will! We’ll be San Frantampa in not time.” You can read them in the story above, but I’ll summarize: blah, blah, blah, blah, fail. Oh, and if you want more information, don’t check their site because they haven’t updated that shit since June. Off to a good start, kids!

I’m all for lofty goals, and making it easier and more appealing to start technology companies here sounds great. But guess what? Having a goal of becoming the next San Francisco is like saying your weekly guitar lessons have you on track to be Stevie Ray Vaughan by 2015. Which, is actually quite accurate because SRV is dead, precisely what most technology startups are shortly after they launch. Come on guys, focus more on improving the area and less on talking some big game that promises only to make you, and the Bay area look like a swimming pool full of dipshits.