When I first heard that President Bush was coming to PPlowtown today, I assumed it was part of a disaster-relief program — like when he visited New Orleans a few months after it was destroyed.

But no. It turns out that Dubya is coming to collect cash for the GOP — a reverse-relief visit, if you will. A paltry $25,000 per person not only gets you lunch at Brent Sembler’s house (son of the penis pumping Mel Sembler), but a chance to watch The Leader of the Free World eat his food.

(Ah, Mel Sembler. There’s a lot to say about this guy, but now is not the time. Our editor demands that we have a competent lawyer under retainer before we go too deep on the former ambassador, GOP fundraiser, and shopping center magnate.)

Some of the details included in the Times article about the President’s visit are interesting. For instance, did you know that Michael’s On East is doing the catering? Or that Redman Steele Floral Design is in charge of all floral needs? This is no ordinary lunch. It’s fuckin’ catered!

Imagine hosting the President in your home, mansion, whatever. Really think about that. I mean, besides the possibility that a major crisis occurs while he’s in the same room with you, forcing Dick Cheney to remotely initialize W’s implanted cybernetic mind control system, it’d be pretty cool. But other than that, what’s the highest honor the Commander-in-Chief could perform as a house guest?

I’ll tell you: The President making a poop in your bathroom.

Think of the plaque that you could put on the wall above the toilet the next day. “The President of the United States of America took a mean shit right here on October 12, 2007. Yeehaw!”

I’m not sure on the protocol for this, though. From a security standpoint, is that even allowed? Would Secret Service have to accompany him? As long as he doesn’t stop up the thing, I think it’s probably fine. Just need to arrange for nothing but Mexican food on the menu and it’s practically a done deal.

topherchris would like to apologize for another long absence from The Splog. Ever since Halo 3 came out he’s been busy finding new and inventive ways to die. He’d like to propose the creation of a loose-knit clan of St.Petersblog readers in Xbox Live. If you’re interested, comment or email your gamertag. His gamertag is “yay topherchris” and he is indeed sensitive about his low gamerscore, even though he just made a new account after facing technical difficulties. No teabagging, please.