Let’s get down to brass tacks here. When your feed-reader informs you that there’s a post somewhere on the interweb entitled “Threesome ends in bloodshed,” you stop what you’re doing and get more information. Delivering babies, curing cancer, splitting atoms — whatever — “threesome” and “bloodshed” guarantees you’re going to drop it immediately.

Such is the scenario laid before us all today thanks to the Breaking News blog on TampaBay.com:

They were drinking in an abandoned house, a woman and two men, and things got sexual, and wouldn’t you know it: complications.

It’s a story as old as time itself. Boy meets girl. Girl meets other boy. First boy watches other boy and girl have intercourse. Boy talks some shit. Boy gets nailed on the back of the head with bottle. Boy needs staples to close gash. Other boy arrested.

But that’s not what I’m here to rap at you about. At least not anymore. If you clicked through the link, you know what I’m talking about.

Gerald Cerveny, the guy who went from skank-banging to bottle-breaking, has got a severely awesome booking photo. Problem was, the original post only has a tiny thumbnail of it. That won’t do. I set out to find a larger size, but I ended up with so much more. Not one mugshot, but four.

Let’s travel through time with Gerald.

First up, 1999. Prison. It’s the “boy did I fuck up” look.

Next, booking photo from 2006. The “Jesus help me” face.

Then, January 2007. The classical “I be so fucked” look, and eerily similar to the previous one.

Finally, earlier this week after the threesome incident. Gerald has turned that attitude right around! Here we have nothing less than a full-blown “I’m goin’ to Disney World! Weeeeee!” You just got some action, made a dude watch you, and then busted his head open with a bottle. It’s Miller Time! Also, please note the similarity of shirts in the last two photos.

He’s been down on his luck. He’s made some terrible choices. But he’s still smiling like a fucking idiot. Gerald Cerveny, I hereby nominate you today’s Best Person in the World!