Amateur hourSeriously, we’re not tolerating this shit any more. The bay area music scene sucks, and you know why? When you combine amateur hour with a complete lack of accountability, what the fuck do you expect? Show is advertised at 9, but you don’t want to start until midnight? No problem. Will call list not in alphabetical order, so your patrons wait an hour and a half outside? No problem. Want to change the order of bands at the last minute? No problem. Hell, go ahead and switch that shit around a couple of times so the bands don’t even know the order. No problem!

Let’s take a closer look via a case study: Saturday night at the New World Brewery.

  1. How does this even qualify as a venue? Decent bar, yes, but a pretty shitty place to see a band. Why not book the Orpheum? Do people actually like lining up in a hallway outside to see bands play? Is that a Florida thing?
  2. Um, which band is this now? We went to see Auto!Automatic!! who was supposed to be playing second. With a 9pm advertised show time we figured they’d be up around 10:30-10:45. Except, some brilliant motherfucker decided second wasn’t good, let’s shuffle things around a bit. In fact, let’s put the headliner up before A!A!!. Yeah, that seems good. In fact, let’s not tell the bands so that the band before the headliner actually introduces them as A!A!!, that seems like fun.
  3. Hey guys, let’s pay $8 but not complain about it being amateur hour. OK, so I paid $8, which to me is a lot of money for a shitty venue. For this $8 I get to wait until 12:30 to see the band I came to see. In the meantime I get to watch an “acoustic” set by the Dark Romantics. If you’re not familiar with them, here’s the basics: they suck, but they have several hot chicks in the band that you can stare at. But guess what? “Acoustic” means it is only the two dudes, which means not only does it suck, you don’t even have the chicks to stare at. Ouch. I then have to sit through Unwed Sailor, who are apparently famous or some shit. Um, yeah… famous for being boring as shit? Fantastic, another round please so I can drown out the yawnfest. What time is it? Anyone? Am I in the right place?

So, here’s the problem: no one said shit. My guess is that the bands didn’t say shit. The fans sure as shit didn’t. And the bar probably didn’t even give the promoter shit. So it is one big jerkfest for another “successful show in the bay area, high five!” What the fuck? Is anyone even trying? And where can I read a totally bullshit review about this fine evening? Perhaps REAX, where resident fuckstick and head writer Michael “I only wear cheesedick reissue cowboy shirts that I bought from Urban Outfitters” Rabinowitz can write another brilliant piece on something we’ve already heard of and yet act like it is the new fucking hotness. Fail.

Seriously, people, this has to stop. Why do you think bands don’t ever come down here? Think about it, if you’re on tour and the bay area is way the hell out of your way it had better be worth the trip. So you start to review the local scene, check out the venues, read the local music rag. Do you see where I’m going with this? Focus the fuck up and start trying a little harder, there are fans willing to pay money, but if you keep fucking them over we’re all screwed.