Shut the fuck up, Donny.

Editor’s Note: topherchris has once again gone against the editorial objectives of The Splog by writing something positive about St. Petersburg. As punishment, he’s been assigned to watch Cocoon and write a lengthy review for the Gulfport Gabber.

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The Big Lebowski, easily one of the greatest American motion pictures of all time, is making a very brief run at the Beach Theatre on Wednesday evening. Suck on that, Spider-Man in IMAX at Baywalk.

Since the Theatre has a liquor license, they’re able to offer White Russians — the only drink worthy of consumption during this masterpiece — for this special limited engagement. Ahhhh, you had me at “russian.”

It turns out that the Beach Theatre isn’t slacking over the summer. Back to the Future, ET, and Raiders of the Lost Ark are slated for free Saturday matinees, and this week you could take in everything from Dirty Dancing to Animal House.

If that’s not worth a drive out to “historic” Corey Avenue, then nothing is. Seriously. Nothing.