This awesome picture (by Martha Rial) from tbt* goes out to our good friend Larry Keffer. Hope you had a swell day!

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I’m not going to say anything. It is taking every ounce of restraint, but seriously, I’m not going to say anything. Just visit jeremyelvis.com.

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First the iPhone was cool, then it was really sweet, now the hype is actually getting scary. I can get behind a certain amount of technolust, but the people who’ve been camping out since Monday are a little frightening. But hell, it’s not like I don’t want one.

St. Petersburg fanboys have their choice of three AT&T Stores — two on 4th street and one in the Tyrone area. From what I’ve heard, hitting one of those up may be less hassle than the Apple Store in International Plaza. Plus, I mean, fuck Tampa.

The Splog dispatched a crack team of reporters to gather details and photos of any activity at the local AT&T Stores but we suspect they’ve forgotten their charge and are now standing in line.

What about you? Anybody standing in line right now? Anybody heading out later tonight? Anybody gonna just wait until Sunday afternoon? Anybody have no idea what the iPhone is?

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Auto!Automatic!! is acting as backing band for Tampa-based Breakdown tomorrow night at the Crowbar. You should get off your lazy ass and go see some live music. This should be really cool, I’ve always preferred a live band backing a hip-hop act and here’s a chance to see some local folks doing it up proper.

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At 4am this morning in Tampa, the cinematic laws of cause and effect led to the outbreak of a fully-involved action film at the intersection of E Columbus Drive at N 40th Street. The combination of a police chase, a glass truck and the ejection of both drivers from their colliding vehicles sparked what one witness referred to as “the blockbuster action hit of the summer.”

“It was like, glass was everywhere, man,” said area resident Barry Wilkins, “shit was flying around everywhere, in slow motion.” “This car goes flying into the glass truck,” he continued, “and the next thing I know, these two dudes like, literally fly from their cars and meet in mid air and start grappling and fighting. One guy was all ‘Shall we dance?’ and the other was like ‘We have to stop meeting this way.’”

Bystanders noted that after exchanging catch phrases for a few minutes, the two hit the ground, rolled for a few yards, and then burst into flames, narrowly avoiding a group of ninjas who had gathered by the side of the road to nurse their wounds after having their asses handed to them by a rogue cop from Hong Kong. At some point during the incident, bystanders reported seeing a shirtless man with a speech impediment shooting explosive arrows at aliens, but this could not be confirmed as of the time of this report.

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Man, after reading this story about a Pinellas Park public works technician nearly getting fired over “raunchy” videos on a shock jock’s Web site, I’m getting a little nervous. I carefully omitted huge chunks of my previous career as a “specialty” porn star when applying for my current job, hoping that it would never come up again (if you know what I mean, ZING!). I suppose I can rest comfortably knowing that only 99.9% of my specialty work can be found online. Good luck finding those obscure short run German Betamax tapes!

Let me take just a moment to reiterate my hate of morning/shock jock/assmonkey DJs. Yes, I’m talking to you MJ Kelli and Bubba the Love Sponge. Fuck you both. Just because America happens to be filled with complete idiots that are somehow entertained by your oh so intelligent and thought provoking brand of journalism doesn’t mean that God is intentionally preventing a catastrophic death for you. No, no, he is instead waiting for just the right moment to send you out the way you deserve, you know, like in a Yahtzee knife fight.

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I was flipping through the June/July issue of XLR8R and came across a story on Devin the Dude. (Quick sidenote, go to Downloads on the XLR8R site and bookmark it - they put out a free song just about every day and it is a nutkickin’ way to learn about some big city shit you ain’t yet heard of.)

Back to the Dude. Devin the Dude is one of those underground hip hop guys that, while somehow maintaining a low profile, has appeared on records like Dre’s The Chronic as well as huge selling records by Scarface, Ice Cube, Jay-Z, Xzibit, Nas, Paul Wall and a shit ton of others. Hell, his newest song “What a Job” features Snoop and Andre 3000.

So, what the shit does this have to do with St. Pete? Well, let’s ask XLR8R:

The story of how Devin became The Dude - everyman rapper, lovable scoundrel, self-deprecating motivator - begins in St. Petersburg, Florida, where a young Devin used to stay up late at night sneaking listens to dirty records by Richard Pryor.

Well fuck me silly. It is always sort of a shock to be reading something that isn’t the St. Pete Times and see the words St. Petersburg in print.

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I’ve previously mentioned my love affair with diners, and there is certainly no shortage in the area. This morning I dropped by St. Pete Diner Family Restaurant on 11th Ave. N and 34th Street. This is the place that I usually stop at after a morning workout at the YMCA of Greater St. Petersburg. No need to point out that going to a greasy diner for eggs and bacon following a workout completely negates the workout, I’m well aware and fuck you for raining on my parade.

The specials here aren’t quite as mind-bogglingly affordable as Skyway Jack’s, but $3.65 for a plate of deliciousity and some amazing potatoes are definitely worth it. Oh, don’t forget the down home hospitality and the back page of the menu that declares proudly: GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALL HER CHILDREN.

How can you deny that? I mean, bacon and a smattering of American icons on the menu? That is America.

Way positive sidenote here, they accept credit/debit cards. They are totally bucking the Diner theme of cash only and crashing headlong into the future. Go St. Pete Diner!

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Courtesy of Stpete.org, apparently a hurricane is in the forecast for the 4th of July.

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On the heels of the mayor’s birthday, check these two pictures out. The one on the left was taken in 2005. The one on the right was taken a couple of weeks ago. Try to ignore the fact that he is wearing the same suit and tie. Is it just me, or is el Mayor looking really old? Has the last 2 years just taken a huge toll on him, or, are we like the first city in the country to have a mayor with Hutchinson-Gilford Progeria syndrome?

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Show your love for the good mayor by leaving your own images in the comments section!

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Actually, I shouldn’t say that. I shouldn’t make any unfair deductions of your intelligence or to the success of this particular petition to our elected officials. But hell, you’re reading this — so I’m at least one for two.

I kid because I love.

So today’s the Day of Silence being observed by most (but not all) of the internet’s free streaming radio stations. The back story is… well… Take it away, Wikipedia:

The United States Copyright Royalty Board approved a rate increase in the royalties payable to performers of recorded works broadcast on the internet. The rates include a minimum fee of $500 (U.S.) per year, per channel, with escalating fees for each song played… [and blah, blah, blah]

Basically, most webcasters will simply have to stop broadcasting. In response to this, the House of Reps introduced something called the Internet Radio Equality Act, which would nullify the rate hike and offer some fair and realistic alternatives.

We support this proposal and you should as well. If you’re with us, you should contact your Democratically Elected Officials to let them know. Unfortunately, if you’re like 90% of the public, you have no idea who represents you (be forewarned: ignorance is bliss, especially in this case). The Splog is here to help. Assuming you’re in Florida and that you’re in St. Petersburg, it’s easy to narrow down.

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Dude, when the hell did they change the PTEC logo?! This is unacceptable. I demand answers! Nothing says quality technical training and national workplace competency occupational education like the goddamn Deathstar as your logo. But now it appears as though they’ve abandoned the unspeakably powerful and horrific weapon developed by the Empire for a bland and pointless new identity. Dammit! Let’s examine the previous logo more closely.

You can’t even begin to argue that the designer of that logo wasn’t thinking Deathstar all the way. Hell, check out the under construction version of the Deathstar in the image above, those thin lines in the PTEC logo look a hell of a lot like the unfinished sections of the world’s greatest space station. And why not? Imagine all the marketing opportunities.

Get caught in our tractor beam and get an education more powerful than half the Imperial starfleet!

I mean, come on. That’s like taking candy from a small ray-shielded thermal exhaust port that leads directly from the surface of the station into the heart of its colossal reactor. In other words, easy. I’m disappointed PTEC, very disappointed.

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This just in: Man from 1992 emerges from time machine, writes opinion piece about recent disturbing “saggy pants” trend among today’s youth – mumbles something about “the hippity hop.” 1992-era Bill Cosby unavailable for comment.

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Poor Michael Wiley. The dude lost three of his four limbs in an electrical accident, and now he’s likely to head to prison for a list of driving and drug offenses as long as your arm (sorry, that was really inappropriate). The Times is all over that shit, doing well to note that among the many other obstacles he’s had to overcome in his life, Wiley’s a champ for having taught himself to drive with his stumps.  Wait, what? I don’t want to seem like the 800-pound, armless gorilla in the room here, but based on his status as a habitual automotive offender, I don’t think he taught himself how to do much but hold the wheel straight and stomp on the gas. This turning to avoid shit is for pussies.  As it turns out, this is pretty much accurate:

‘Dead straight ahead,’ says his father, George Wiley. ‘Never mind the consequences.’

It’s how he lived his life, and it’s how he drove, motherfuckers - well, that’s according to his own father in an earlier Times story about Wiley’s free-wheeling, rebel-without-a-chromosome antics. Oh shit, the article’s even called “Free Wheelin’”. This is better than I thought. I love how even though the dude’s probably endangered countless lives (not to mention defrauding a few people here and there), the article has this awesome Dukes of Hazzard undertone to it. Yeah, I guess I can see that; Wiley’s like a latter-day Robin Hood, except without a single microscopic trace of those redeeming qualities that actually justify the comparison.  One-legged tights!

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