I posted too soon and missed the bucket of win that is stpeterecovery.org. Way to rock it transparent stylee, Ricky! I’m guessing they did this shit in a hurry, and here’s why:

Oops, <br> tags in the title.

Oops, I think we’re missing a header image and shit is getting overlapped and whatnots. They do actually have some content, though, check it out. Oh wait, they just copied that from the actual bill.

Seriously, though, I’m glad the Mayor and his peeps are going after the free Obama paper. Keep an eye on that site to make sure they spend it correctly. You know, like NOT on people doing “night water patrols” to ticket your ass for using water. I mean, I care about the earth, I really do (I water from a rain barrel, go ahead and call me a hippy) but I imagine a few more cops on “people not getting killed” patrols would be a better use of resources.

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Last year a little dude in Stuart, FL got arrested for the most natural of bodily functions. The world laughed, Florida collectively groaned in embarrassment and that was that. Well, you’d think so anyway.

LAKELAND, Fla. (AP) — A Lakeland eighth-grader has been suspended from riding the school bus for three days after being accused of passing gas.

Really?! I mean, really?! The thing that troubles me the most is that the Times didn’t write this up themselves, they picked it up from the AP. Yeah, it is on the wire.

So, once again, you can Google for ‘lakeland fart’ or some variation and see all the papers all over that have picked it up. Sigh.

Image courtesy my all time favorite internets website

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Wait, I think I’m saying that wrong. Our boy Charlie Crist and his team of AWESOME has launched a new site for the Florida Office of Economic Recovery at flarecovery.com. I bet you read it as flare covery too, eh? So why didn’t they go with flrecovery.com instead you ask? Well, because that, and every other damn domain name is already owned, of course!

It looks like the toolbags over at the Florida Retail Federation (FRF) purchased flrecovery.com on January 15 of this year, probably to sell us some shit with it. The FRF owns their own domain at frf.org, but that simply forwards to floridabankcardsolutions.com which might make your eyes bleed.

Sorry, got off topic there. The first, and most important thing to cover about this site is the following: Charlie Crist can take some seriously unfortunate photos. Even tiny inset Charlie thinks he looks ridiculous waving like a Prom Queen. Check it:

Now, the second most important thing is the following: THANK YOU BARACK O-GODDAMN-BAMA!!! Seriously, this man has done so much good for web design. I mean, sure, he’s cool otherwise with the President thing and whatnot, but it is so refreshing to start seeing government websites not be unusable pieces of shit and I attribute that largely to he and his team.

Third: Check out the awesome photos of a meeting. So good.

Seriously, though, keep an eye on this. Education is second on the list, which I’m hoping means that is where it falls in priority order. To me that is the single most critical area not only to prevent cuts, but to invest through teacher raises and serious infrastructure work. As the incomparable Whitney Houston so wisely said:

I believe the children are our are future, teach them well and let them lead the way.

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Your Thursday night just got booked, and you’ll be spending it at the Studio@620 for Open Wall Night. This clever show allows “any and all local artists to display one or two pieces” and is a fundraiser for Ready for Life, a community organization that helps foster youth leaving state care. Kids get aged out of the foster care system all of the time and they are basically given a handshake and a half-assed “good luck, kid.” Ready for Life is aiming to empower these kids with the tools and resources necessary to manage the difficult transition. So, go get a drink, see some art, BUY SOME ART, and feel good about being socially conscious. Shout out to Justin for putting this together.

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As we’ve talked about before, Creative Loafing up and shitcanned several of their staff not too terribly long ago. And if we’ve learned anything in this world, it is that VH1’s template of fondly remembering shit people didn’t so much care for the first time is pure gold. And while this kind of glorified reminiscing used to be reserved for things from many years ago, their recent model of “I Love the Yesterday” has taught us that it is never too early to check in on our favorite heroes and villains.

Alex Pickett will report for food and has started his own blog (good luck with that, bro, we know blogs and they suck assholes). He’s only a few days in, but we expect good things, especially when yesterday’s story was a hard hitting exposé on confederate license plates. God bless Florida. Also, a suggestion for all you readers out there who have managed not to lose your jobs in this rad economy: buy Alex a sandwich and demand a story out of it. I mean, come on, he’s advertising “will report for food,” so hit the deli and take advantage of this once in a lifetime chance to have a story of your choosing written by a pro journalist. Have fun, Alex!

Wade Tatangelo is keeping busy, which I must admit surprises me. But hey, good for him, and I mean that - this is a shitty time to be out of work and he seems to be finding work writing. Wade’s blog appears to mostly collect links to stories he’s written for a variety of publications out there. We missed it when it ran, but he’s even doing some big work for pubs like Maxim.

Anyone know what Anthony Salveggi is up to?

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This is straight jacked from the AP and tcpalm.com, thanks Nate. I LOVE FLORIDA!!!

A Florida woman called 911 three times after she paid for a 10-piece Chicken McNuggets at a McDonald’s but the fast-food restaurant ran out of them and refused to give her a refund.

Latreasa L. Goodman, 27, made the calls after she tried to get her money back from a Fort Pierce McDonald’s and the cashier told her all sales were final. Police released the 911 tapes.

“This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn’t have McNuggets, I wouldn’t have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don’t want one,” police quoted her as saying. “This is an emergency.”

The cashier suggested she choose something else off the menu of equal value to the McNuggets, and offered the restaurant’s cheeseburger called the McDouble.

“She’s trying to force me to eat something off the menu and I don’t want it,” Goodman told 911.

The first dispatcher, a woman, asks if there’s a manager there, but listens to Goodman’s complaints and says she’s sending someone.

The second, male dispatcher tells her he’s aware of the incident and “we’ve got an officer coming out there to talk to you.”

Police say Goodman was cited on a misuse of 911 charge. A current phone listing for Goodman couldn’t be found.

A McDonald’s spokesman said Goodman should have been given a refund, and she’s being sent a gift card for a free meal.

First 911 call
Second 911 call
Third 911 call

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Er, wait, Bottom 5… my bad. Men’s Health, the leading authority in everything, has named St. Pete the 5th worst city at recycling in the US (95th out of 100, w00t!) Le sigh. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out Mayor!

Another fun one from the same survey: 97th Worst City for Men (based on Health, Life and Fitness).

We suck.

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Thieves steal $6,800 worth of artwork from Florida Craftsmen

ST. PETERSBURG — Sometime between 6:30 and 7:30 a.m. Wednesday, the two men broke into the gallery at 501 Central Ave. through a never-used outside door to executive director Maria Emilia’s office and made a beeline for two glass sculptures — a Duncan McClellan vessel worth $5,200 (pictured) and a $1,600 Chuck Boux vase.

First off - this sucks. Second - I predict these stupid assholes put those things on eBay or somewhere that is easily tracked, because, you know, Florida criminals are super smart. Third - fuck you tampabay.com and your stupid broken video embed code.

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Looks like the Vegas Showgirls got into some trouble over the weekend, which is too bad for the official “best strip club in St. Petersburg” (official for two reasons: 1) the internet says so, 2) there are only 4 strip clubs total in the ‘burg, and I’m scared of all the others). Seriously, though, what’s up with Tina’s Angels? A hotel attached to it? And THEY never get busted? They must have discounts for the 5-0.

Anywho, there are a handful of things that will get your strip club shut down in a damn hurry and here are two.

1. If you sell booze, keep the junk in your drawers
2. Offering to have sex with someone in exchange for money remains, shockingly, illegal

A group of total buzz kill deputies arrested 8 girls on Friday night, resulting in over 62 sets of blue balls. Bummer. Below is a look at the innocent young ladies.

Most of the charges were “nudity in an establishment that serves alcohol” for removing bikini bottoms, although a few of these gals added on the offer to have sex for $150 (one particularly entrepreneurial young lady specified $150 would get you only 15 minutes, a half hour will run you $250). Here’s what I find sort of intriguing, though:

Amanda Roberts, 18, was charged with exposure of sexual organs after she also pulled down her bikini bottoms while dancing onstage.

Amanda is the last young lady in the image above. You think she has a johnson? I mean, why were all the other girls just charged with nudity while the police report specified that Amanda exposed her “sexual organs”? Hmm. Interesting.

Anywho, you might want to steer clear of Vegas Showgirls for awhile, maybe try out Mermaids or Secrets Cabaret until the heat dies down a bit. Oh, and don’t forget the internet, you can stay home and take care of a lot of urges on the good ol’ information superhighway.

P.S. The girl right next to Amanda Roberts is Deanna Firlik. Yes, Fir-lick. Nice.

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This is the piece that Pale Horse’s Chris Parks did for the I <3 St. Pete show a few weeks back. Love it.

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Hey there, get out of your house. Tonight. Go to an art show.

Click the image, which was so kindly provided (without him knowing) by Joel over at REAX, to go to someone or another’s MySpace that may or may not have more information which is readable by a human. Sheesh.

Also, I’m cranky, so WTF Nova? You have a badass space, but way to not provide any helpful information on upcoming Events on your site. When I click EVENTS CALENDAR it would be helpful to get a LIST OF EVENTS instead of a picture of FOUR SOUTH TAMPA HOOCHIES. Three clicks in and I get to know what DJ will be there and nothing else? Tsk tsk. If you want a better website, just let us know.

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NONE! It actually just takes said GOP official forwarding racist, idiotic e-mails and those going public. For your enjoyment I present the comedic stylings of Hillsborough state committeewoman Carol Carter.

From: Carol Carter
Friday, January 30, 9:30 AM
Subject: FW: Amazing!

I’m confused

How can 2,000,000 blacks get into Washington, DC in 1 day in sub zero temps when 200,000 couldn’t get out of New Orleans in 85 degree temps with four days notice?

Carol Carter

Good one, Carol! HAWE HAWE HAWE. What an asshat. I find it worse that in the e-mail she sent to apologize for the first e-mail she said the following:

I am also sorry to learn that some of these persons are not real team players. There really was no reason for this to go beyond those that I e-mailed (8 people). This was not an e-mail blast as I do not have that capability.

Yeah dudes, that means what you think it means: team player in the GOP = keeping those racist jokes going and definitely not sharing them with those close minded people out there in the world that don’t find humor in racist jokes about national tragedies. Duh!

I am pleased to announce that Carol has resigned from her position as Hillsborough GOP Comedienne Laureate effective today. I’m also please to announce that the HCRP site is TEH SHIT!

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Um, what? Like, for serious? This can’t be right. Can it? No, not possible.

The Pew Research Center (who normally is pretty f’n accurate with their surveys), ran a survey with the aim of answering the question “Where would Americans most like to live—and how do they feel about the place they currently call home?” And there was some shocking, and frankly head scratching results. Check out the top 4 most popular cities (based on the percentage of respondents who said they wanted to live there):

1. Denver
2. San Diego
3. Seattle
4. Orlando (tie)
5. Tampa (tie)
6. San Francisco (tie)

Um, huh?! Tampa AND Orlando tied with San Francisco? Something smells fishy… HAHA, GET IT!? FISHY! PEW RESEARCH! HAWE HAWE HAWE. Ahem, anyway, this is some strange news. One thing worth mentioning is that while 34% of the respondents said they would like to live in Tampa, 64% said they would not. So, while it ended up high on the list I’d still call that a fail.

Check out this totally official graph provided by PEW:

Some other noteworthy items from the report:

• People with family incomes over $100K placed Tampa 8th, while people with sub $30K incomes placed it 10th.
• Men placed Tampa 7th, while women placed it 6th. International Plaza, ladies!
• College grads placed Tampa 9th, while high school or less placed it 3rd. Come on down, uneducated masses, you’ll fit right in*!
• Folks 18-34 placed Tampa 9th, while those 60+ placed it 6th.
• Tampa had a pretty significant difference between Democrats and Republicans, with 38% of donkeys diggin’ it and only 28% of elephants. Yay asses!

Interesting stuff. If you want to scope out the full report, by all means do.

* To be fair, the assumption is that old people, who simply didn’t look at college the way people do today, are more likely to not have a degree and also more likely to dig the shit out of Florida.

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It is time to celebrate another miracle in the ‘burg - an old building that has managed not to be knocked down. This go ’round we’re talking about the Detroit Hotel. For those of you who may not be familiar with the Detroit, that’s the one just above/behind that ghetto liquor store you usually hit up before going to a show at Jannus.

The Detroit was built in 1888, named after John Williams’ (the dude the park is named after, not the awesome composer) hometown of Des Moines - wait, no, that doesn’t sound right. Anywho, Peter Demens (who brought the first railroad here) named the city after his birthplace of Dzerzhinsk, Russia - wait… The romantic story that we tend to believe today, but probably isn’t true, is that John Williams and Peter Demens stood on the corner of Central and Second Street and flipped a coin for naming rights. Peter won, thus naming the city after his hometown, and runner up John named the hotel after his.

While the building still exists, it is no longer a hotel, instead housing what I can only assume are the world’s most annoying condos (how does one sleep when Insane Clown Posse is playing at Jannus?) What is really pretty awesome, though, is that the majority of the architectural stylings of the original hotel remain thanks to a 2002 renovation that saved the building from the wrecking ball. Let’s take a look at a few pictures, shall we?

Above is the oldest picture I know of the hotel, boy was St. Pete bustling back in those days. Take note of the tower and the dormer windows, references to that original architecture still exist today.

The above photo isn’t dated, but was probably taken sometime after the first round of renovations in 1914. Of particular interest to me is the minaret added to enhance the entrance, which is reminiscent of Henry Plant’s Tampa Hotel (now UT), built in 1891 in the then popular Moorish style. (If you’re interested, there’s a pretty awesome history of that hotel here.)

Someone call the cops, the tower has been stolen! However, in this undated photo we see the brick buildings added on either side that are still recognizable today, as are the balconies.

My guess on the above photo is somewhere in the 30’s/40’s. The Vinoy was completed in 1925, and the Detroit probably went with the pink paint job in the hopes it would add some class to the joint. Thank goodness it didn’t last. The minaret has been axed, the dormers and chimneys knocked down and the sign that is still there today (see below) has been added.

Marty McFly it about 60 years forward and we’ve got the best current photo I could find, which is pretty shitty. You can, however, see the referential architecture which returned in 2002 with the tower and dormers.

Here’s a bonus combo of an old newspaper ad for the Detroit Restaurant and a current image of the sign that still pokes out of the side of the building (although in a slightly different configuration than the original.)

Whew, that’s a lot to digest. If you’re interested in which hotel has existed longest in St. Pete and is still running, that would be the Pier Hotel on 2nd Ave N, built in 1921 and still operating daily as a hotel.

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